Taking Control and Refocusing

I wrote a post earlier today about recommitting myself to my weight loss goals and I am determined to do that, but I also need to take control of my life and refocus on the things that are important. 

Just so you understand what I'm talking about here is alittle background information on myself.  I have a very specific pattern in my life and its like clockwork.  I find something that I really want to do and I get all gung ho and take on the challenge full force but that momentum only lasts so long and then I crash.  I do this with house cleaning....with dieting.....with craft projects....with pretty much everything.  I feel like if I'm not doing everything perfectly then I'm failing.  Of course its nice to always try to do your best but for example in school if I make anything less than a 100 then I feel like I'm failing myself. 

Right now I'm in the downward cycle of this pattern.  I'm not making out my lists like I use to which always motivated me to get things done.  I'm not thinking out my eating or planning ahead, I'm just eating what is available.  I haven't worked on my scrapbooks in probably a year and this is something I use to love to do.  I'm procrastinating with alot of things and just being plain lazy.  Now when I come out of this cycle I will be like a crazy woman trying to fix all the damage I have done and accomplish everything I have let pile up.  I do recognize that this isn't a healthy pattern and its definitely something I need to work on.

I recommited myself to my weight loss journey this morning and I want to do the same thing with other things in my life.  I need to take a healthy approach to these things though.  I still think lists are my best tool and give me a starting point so when I get back from walking in a few minutes I'm going to make out a list of all the things I would like to accomplish around my home, in school, with my weight loss, with my kids and with life in general.  This sounds like alot and it may take me some time to do but it will be worth so I can start working towards all my goals.  I have to find ways to get myself out of this destructive pattern I live in instead of waiting for it to cycle through.

Does anyone else feel like they go through these patterns?  Do you go from 100% motivated to completely not caring?  What do you do to get yourself out of this pit?

I'll start tomorrow

The famous line of everyone trying to lose weight, "I'll start tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes. I've said that to myself thousands of times and here I am 37 years old and still fat.  If your anything like me Monday is always the perfect day to start and then Monday comes and you screw up, either you eat something you weren't suppose to or you don't exercise so then you just decide to go ahead and blow the whole day by eating whatever you want because you can always start again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and here I am 25 years later still starting tomorrow but not this time, today is the day.  I'm sick of wasting my life wishing I was skinny or daydreaming about what it would be like to be thinnier.  I'm tired of hating what I see when I look in the mirror, I'm tired of wondering what everyone is thinking or saying about me, and I'm tired of thinking that there is no way my husband can love someone who looks like me.  I'm fed up with setting a bad example for my kids and not fitting into any of my clothes.  I'm just over being fat, its time for me to be who I know I can really be.  It's time for me to be the skinny girl!!!!

Update on this post:  Today was suppose to be the day I began my new life but I decided to go ahead and start last night and I walked 30 minutes with my husband.  No more procrastinating for me.  I will be weighing this morning before I eat and posting my weight and pictures so that I can start tracking my weight loss today.