Fallen Off the Wagon

As some as you may have noticed I've not been posting like I use to.  Well there is a good reason for that I've totally fallen off the wagon.  My mojo is gone, my motivation is nonexistent and my determination has disappeared into thin air.  Am I giving up?.....NO....but I'm struggling bad.  My bulimia has flashed its ugly head so on top of gaining weight I'm struggling not to get back into that destructive pattern.  I'm feeling miserable for what I've been eating and even worse for not having exercised for the last week. 

Sometime ago someone suggested a new eating program called The Eating Clean Diet and I've been researching this alot for the last few days. The premise behind this program as I understand is to eat foods in their most natural states, avoiding anything overly processed.  I'm hoping by focusing on a new eating program and putting my energy into that I can get back on track. 

I've also decided to go off the new medicine that my doctor put me on because honestly I think its doing more damage than good.  Its been along time since I've given into my urges to binge and purge but since going on this medicine I don't seem to have any control over it.  It seems to be giving me this sense of just not caring.  I need to take control of my life again and this is one of the first steps I'm taking.

I know that I've gotten so much support from all of you'll and I'm sorry if I have let you down but I promise I'm doing everything I can to get back on track.  It sure was taking me along time to lose the weight but its not taking that long to put it back on so I want to put a stop to it before I gain to much back. 

Winter isn't a big help right now either.  I'm snowed in so its hard to walk outside with it being so cold and I can't get out to make it to the gym.  I was so looking forward to starting school back to get some kind of distraction in my life and now school is being called off because of the snow.  I'll just continue to hold on as long as I can and make steps to get back to where I need to be thats all I can do. 

Thanks everyone for your support and I am going to start making regular posts again tomorrow in the hopes that maybe that will kick start me into getting back on track.

Time to get serious

Over the last month I've really lost sight of what I'm trying to accomplish by losing weight and exercising.  I just haven't been very focused on anything lately and that definitely needs to change.  I'm still losing weight but I'm not doing it in a healthy way and eventually its going to catch up with me.  I'm so proud of myself for what I've accomplished so far and I don't want to start going backwards.  Its time for me to get serious about my weight loss again. 

This past Monday was my last day of school for the semester and I don't go back until January 6, 2011.  When I return to school I really want people to notice a difference in me.  That might sound selfish but its nice to have your hardwork be recognized.  That means I have 22 days to work as hard as I can before I have to return to school.  I think it helps me to break my goals down into smaller challenges like this.  It gives me something to work towards.
I'm still working on my New Years goals right now.  I have 22 miles to walk before January 1, 2011 to hit my 160 miles walked goal.  I'm also working on weighing what I did a year ago by hitting 205 lbs, right now I have about 7 lbs to go to hit that goal.  I would love to hit 40 lbs lost by New Years so thats what I'm aiming for.  One of my Hot 100 challenge goals is to make it through the holidays without overeating and I'm not really concerned about that.  I have my sons birthday party this weekend and then Christmas but I think I will be fine at both of these events.  I'm still working on drinking all my water which is something I really need to focus on, also I need to get away from the fast food which I've been eating alot of lately.  I also need to lay off the sugar and carbs and get back to more fruits and veggies.  So I know what I need to do to succeed I just need to put my mind to it.  I know I can do this, I have no doubts in myself its just a matter of doing it. 
I am going to the YMCA today and getting my free membership because I'm tired of using the cold weather as an excuse for not exercising.  I was working to hard and seeing my work pay off to stop exercising now.  We only have 16 days left in this year and when January 1, 2011 gets here I want to know that I did everything possible to be at the lowest weight I could be by that date.  I want to start this New Years off right.  I've set alot of goals for myself I know but I know I can do it.  Goals are what keep me on track and give me something to strive for. 
I hope all of you are going to make these last 16 days in this year the best so far.  Your support has kept me going and I will always appreciate that.  I have gotten off track with my blogging and weight loss but I think I'm back in the right frame of mind to do what I need to do now.  I'm going to spend today visiting blogs and getting motivation from each and everyone of you.  Thanks for all your comments and support.

I'm sorry

This last month has been really tough on me and truth be told I'm not completely 100% yet but I'm getting there.  So many of you have been so supportive and sent me words of encouragement and motivation and that is what has kept me going.  I need to say I'm sorry for slacking off on my support back to all of you.  Honestly about all I've done on this blog in the last month is post my food and exercise and maybe ever once in awhile read a blog that might catch my eye but I've lacked the inspiration to do anymore than that.  I do plan on getting back into the swing of things and doing some catching up on your blogs.  Sorry I haven't been around much but I'm working on it.  I hope that I can give back to all of you who have been here for me.  Thank you so much for everything.

Losing my Fire

I got this wonderful comment from Shane G. at http://losingitforthefamily.blogspot.com/ and I thought I would share it with everyone.

"Christina, I can't help but notice you seem to have lost a little fire, and that is understandable considering your recent changes in life. I just worry about you. I would very much like to see you do something. Take this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and focus on your diet and exercise to the point that it takes over your life. Get double workouts in, really focus on good eating, and see if being OCD on those aspects of your life may help you get through this rough time. I also would like to suggest that your walks be nothing less than a time for introspection. I love my Saturday morning 5 mile walks cause they typically help me sort through my junk. It is all I think about while I walk on Saturday morning is what is bothering me right now, how can I fix it, and what can I do nothing about. I either form plans or come to terms with all my junk on those days and it helps to get the "clutter" out once a week. Just a suggestion."

Shane is absolutely right I have lost some of my fire.  I'm not really sure why, maybe its my husband leaving or maybe its just having my routine turned upside down but I just can't seem to get back into my groove.  I'm still exercising and trying to eat right but I'm slipping alittle and I don't want that little to turn into alot.  I had already decided last night that I was getting back on tracking starting today and so far I'm doing really good.  I went out last night and got some ziploc bags so I could measure out my portions of bran cereal I eat in the morning.  It seems lately that my serving sizes are getting bigger and bigger and thats not going to help me lose weight.  I also made a workout schedule so I could hold myself accountable on days when I want to be lazy.  I went and bought some Vitamin D today in the hopes that it will help on the days where I'm just really depressed and don't want to do anything. A few days ago I made a trip to the library and got some books to read and this is really helping with my boredom in the evening.  I also pampered myself alittle last night with a long bath, facial and lotion.  I'm not giving up on my weight loss no matter what else is going on in my life because I have come to far to go back now. 

I just want to say thanks to Shane and everyone else who leaves me comments on my blog.  Your support and encouragement is what keeps me going.  I know if I didn't have this blog I would have given up along time ago but knowing that everyone is rooting for me and checking on my progress motivates me because I don't want to let any of you down.  I may be having a hard time focusing on my weight loss right now but I'm going to push through this road block and get back on course.  There is no better time then right now to start because I definitely don't want to gain any weight back.  Its just discouraging sometimes when you don't see the scale moving like you want it to but I have to remember its not just about the number on the scale.  I've already had to put away 4 pairs of pants that are to big for me now and I have some others that are almost there.  I see changes in my body and I need to remember those are the things I'm working hard for not just the number on the scale to go down.

I'm going to take your advice Shane and really focus on my eating and exercise this weekend and show myself what I'm made of.  I'm going to figure out what I can do to fix the things I can and let go of the things I can't.  I have plenty of time to take care of everyone else and I need to make sure I make time to take care of myself to.  I'm going to strive to make this next week the best I've had so far.  I need to be strong because with the holidays coming up this is already a tough time a year.  I can do this I know I can.

The Best Feeling

I was just looking over my blog when I saw I had a new follower so I clicked on her link to visit her site and to my surprise this is what I read.

"I owe the inspiration for this blog to Christina at Never The Skinny Girl. It was the middle of the night last week when I discovered her blog while spending yet another sleepless night surfing the internet. Her postings inspired me to take the first step towards regaining my health - acknowledging that I am the only one who can change my life.


I've spent the last week debating whether or not I was really ready this time. I've started so many "Monday Morning" diets and I don't want to go back to that pattern. But over the last week I've read not only Christina's blog but many of the blogs she follows. And, I am bursting with enthusiasm! Thank you to everyone who has posted their struggles and their triumphs. You have touched my life and made me believe that this time I CAN do it!

Let the journey begin!"

This has to be the best feeling in the world that my blog among others have inspired Kaye to begin on her own weight loss journey.  She has only today begun her blog and this is her very first post but I would appreciate it very much if you would just drop by and wish her good luck.  I have left her a comment telling her how wonderful and supportive this weight loss community is and I want her to feel right at home with all of us.  Her blog can be found at the following link http://onmywaytohealth-kaye.blogspot.com/ .  Thank you so much Kaye for making my day and good luck with your weight loss goals.

A kick in the butt

Earlier on my Food and Exercise Journal post I put that it was raining here and I hate walking on the treadmill so I was going to skip exercising today.  Well I was gone for awhile and when I came back online this was the comment I had:

"For us to suceed we must do things we dont always want to do. So get on the tread and get moving, you know you want to, you know its what you should do. I am just here to help and I wish someone would tell me what I need to hear more often. So I am telling you and I will also get my butt moving today just for you."

This comment came from Becki at  http://becki-myweightlossjourney.blogspot.com/ and this was the very first time that she had ever commented on my blog.  I immediately thanked her for leaving this comment and for giving me the kick in the butt I needed to get moving.  Lucky for me the rain had decided to take a break and I got ready and tackled my walk around the neighborhood.  At first I thought ok I can do 3 laps which would be 2.1 miles but then I wanted to go for more so I decided to go for 4 laps but still that wasn't good enough so I pushed myself to do 6 laps which was 4 miles.  When I got home I sent Becki a message thanking her again and dedicating those 4 miles to her. 


I know that I can't always depend on someone else to give me that extra push and most of the time I can find in within myself but not today.  I could have walked on the treadmill but I took the rain as an excuse to get out of exercising and Becki saw right through my excuse.  This is the wonderful weight loss community I have found that reaches out and gives support, encouragement and even a little nudge if need be to keep each other going.  Thanks to a stranger and hopefully a friend now I finished 4 miles toward my New Years goal that I wouldn't have done otherwise.  What a great feeling to know I have people rooting me on, I won't fail you.

Welcome!!!!

When I first started this blog I never thought anyone would read it, I just figured it would be my own personal diary of my journey to lose weight.  Now in only alittle over two months I am one away from having 40 followers.  That is so incredible to me and means so much that anyone would want to take their time to read what I say and wish me luck and I just want to say thank you to you all.  I try to visit each one of your blogs and comment as often as I can or when I can relate to a topic you have wrote about but my time is kind of limited so don't think that I don't care or I'm not cheering you on because I am.  I know how much it means to have someones encouragement and support even if it is a stranger.  All the well wishes and good lucks from everyone that visits my blog is what keeps me going and I truly mean that.  If it wasn't for this blog I'm sure I would have given up along time ago and probably gained back the few pounds I have lost plus some.  I am happier and healthier right now and thats thanks to all of you.  I hope to make many more friends on here and one day return the wonderful gift that each one of you are giving me.  Thank you and I wish you all the luck in the world with your weight loss.

Thank you

When I started this blog I honestly never expected that anyone would read it, I hoped but never assumed.  Now only 4 weeks later I have 22 followers, how exciting.  There are so many sweet and supportive people who leave me comments and keep me motivated and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Most of you who follow me and even ones who don't I try to visit your blogs and leave comments to show you encouragement back.  Its so nice to discover a community of people from all over the world that support each other; no matter what race, religion, age or sex everyone is the same here.  I do have to admit one thing though this blogging thing is addictive.....lol.  I love turning my computer on and seeing the comments that have been left and I love reading other peoples blogs and seeing what is going on in their lives for the day.  For the ones that have been blogging for awhile does this newness wear off?  Honestly I hope not because I've finally found a way thats keeping me on track with my eating and exercise and I have all of you to thank for that.  I wish all of you the greatest of success and I only hope that I can be there as much for you as you have for me.

My support system

I haven't been blogging for very long and when I began I didn't know if anyone would ever even read my blog, but to my surprise quite a few people have.  It's very hard losing weight by yourself which most of you probably know.  Maybe some of you have a strong support system of people who encourage you and some of you don't, I am one who doesn't.  Of course my kids understand I want to lose weight and my husband says he supports me losing weight but I get no real encouragement from anyone.  I don't really have any friends because I have been a stay at home mom now for about 10 years.  I am going to school right now and I talk to a couple of girls in class but there will never be any true friendships there because they are so much younger than I am.  I just don't really have any kind of support system, but that is changing.  So many people have commented on my blog or are followers who read my blog and all these people are now my support system.  It's so nice to hear from people who are going through the same struggle I am and who offer advice and kind words.  I'm sure most of you have blogs of your own and I try to visit those I know of and make comments in return because we all need to know someone is cheering for us.  I just wanted to thank everyone who has become part of my support system.  You really are what keep me going.  Thank you.