Halloween Party

Today is going to be another test of my willpower.  We are having a halloween party after photography class and everyone is bringing food.  I've seen the list of food and there is not one healthy thing on it, just things like cookies, brownies, meatballs and chips.  I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this one because there is really nothing I can eat.  I know I'm going to spend my time taking photos and socializing but when it comes time to eat I guess I will just get a very small plate of a few things.  People in my class know I'm trying to lose weight so I will just use that to my advantage.  I don't want them seeing me pigout when I'm suppose to be eating healthy so I will just keep that thought in my head.  We are also having a costume contest and I know I'm not going to win or anything but I'm dressing up as a hillbilly, I will be posting those pics later today.  It should be a fun day overall as long as I don't overeat.

Update:  I did really good with my eating today at the party but I didn't get to take any pictures because it was to dark in the room.  I do have some pictures of me in my costume that I took last night to see how silly I would look and as promised I'm going to post a couple on here.  Here I am as the barefooted hillbilly.

I know I look silly but isn't that the point of dressing up.  It was fun to get out of my comfort zone and socialize with some other college students. 

Photography Photos

I have a project due for my photography class next Friday so I went out this morning looking for pictures to take.  Of course I found way more things to take photos of for my own personal use then for my project and I just thought I would share a few of them here.  I know this is a weight loss blog and my pictures have nothing to do with weight loss but loving photography is part of what makes who I am.  I'm really thinking about starting a photography blog though just so I have a place to post my pictures where I don't have to clog up my weight loss blog with them and it would be a good way to see how I am improving over time.  Anyways here are some of the pictures I took today and if you would like to see any of them bigger just click on them.

Photography photos

I know this has nothing to do with weight loss but I thought I would post the pictures I developed today.  I'm still learning but I'm proud of what I've learned so far.

Sorry for the quality I had to scan them.  Tomorrow I am suppose to be getting a digital camera and I can't wait.  We only learn to process black and white film at school but pretty soon we will start working with a digital camera so we will be able to do either black and white or color. 

First day of school

Well I went to my first day of class today and it wasn't bad as I thought it was going to be.  Of course I got there alittle early so I wouldn't have to walk across the classroom in front of everyone.  When I walked in there we're just two young skinny girls sitting in there and I found me a seat and waited to see who would show up for class.  I hoped someone my age would walk in but as the class members began filing in it was one young person after another.  Class began and the first thing the teacher did was have each one of us tell about ourselves and turns out I was the oldest person in the class.  We went through our class and at first I felt like such an outsider not only because of my age but because of my weight to but the more I sat there and listened the more I realized I was probably the only person in the class that really knew why they we're there.  I guess age is a good thing sometimes.  At the end of the class the teacher did a sorting exercise with us where he asked questions and seperated us based on our answers, such as where we lived or if we had pets, things like that.  Well it turns out not only am I the oldest but I'm also the only married person and the only person to have kids in this class.  I guess that makes me special.  By the end of the class I wasn't focused on my weight anymore, it hit me I wasn't there for anyone's approval I am there to get a photography degree and have fun doing it.

37 and going back to school

I decided it was time for me to go back to school so last semester I took 2 classes online which I really loved because I could do them at my own pace.  Tomorrow is my first day actually attending school in over 7 years.  I'm really excited though because I'm taking something I love photography, but I'm nervous to.  Wondering if I will be the only fat girl in class, will I make any friends, will I fit in?  I sound like a teenager all over again.  I guess you never really get out of wanting other peoples approval and wanting people to like you.  I know that I'm losing weight right now and I'm eating right and exercising but all they will see is a fat girl walking in the room tomorrow.  I hate having to worry about how I appear to other people.  My husband tells me all the time that I don't look like what I think I do in my head.  I guess I have that body dismorphic disease.  I'm all the time asking whoever I am with, my husband, my kids, my mom, am I as big as her?  All I see are the rolls and the bulges and the cellulite.  I just want to look normal.  I know I will never look like a supermodel no matter how much weight I lose but to just feel like you fit in and don't stand out in a crowd would be nice.