Sunday, August 15, 2010

37 and going back to school

I decided it was time for me to go back to school so last semester I took 2 classes online which I really loved because I could do them at my own pace.  Tomorrow is my first day actually attending school in over 7 years.  I'm really excited though because I'm taking something I love photography, but I'm nervous to.  Wondering if I will be the only fat girl in class, will I make any friends, will I fit in?  I sound like a teenager all over again.  I guess you never really get out of wanting other peoples approval and wanting people to like you.  I know that I'm losing weight right now and I'm eating right and exercising but all they will see is a fat girl walking in the room tomorrow.  I hate having to worry about how I appear to other people.  My husband tells me all the time that I don't look like what I think I do in my head.  I guess I have that body dismorphic disease.  I'm all the time asking whoever I am with, my husband, my kids, my mom, am I as big as her?  All I see are the rolls and the bulges and the cellulite.  I just want to look normal.  I know I will never look like a supermodel no matter how much weight I lose but to just feel like you fit in and don't stand out in a crowd would be nice.

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