Sunday, August 15, 2010
I decided it was time for me to go back to school so last semester I took 2 classes online which I really loved because I could do them at my own pace. Tomorrow is my first day actually attending school in over 7 years. I'm really excited though because I'm taking something I love photography, but I'm nervous to. Wondering if I will be the only fat girl in class, will I make any friends, will I fit in? I sound like a teenager all over again. I guess you never really get out of wanting other peoples approval and wanting people to like you. I know that I'm losing weight right now and I'm eating right and exercising but all they will see is a fat girl walking in the room tomorrow. I hate having to worry about how I appear to other people. My husband tells me all the time that I don't look like what I think I do in my head. I guess I have that body dismorphic disease. I'm all the time asking whoever I am with, my husband, my kids, my mom, am I as big as her? All I see are the rolls and the bulges and the cellulite. I just want to look normal. I know I will never look like a supermodel no matter how much weight I lose but to just feel like you fit in and don't stand out in a crowd would be nice.