Day 4 and Still Going Strong

Today is day four of my new weight loss journey and I am still going strong.  It's so weird because its almost like I get into the bad eating patterns and once I can break it for just one day its easy to eat right again. I'm enjoying the healthy food I'm eating and I'm actually getting to eat more times a day then if I was eating unhealthy.  When I eat unhealthy I binge one or two times a day and feel miserable.  The way I'm eating now I eat 3 small meals and 2 snacks and I never feel that awful bloated feeling.  And with just four days of healthy eating I've already dropped 9.4 lbs which I know is probably all water weight but hey I'll take whatever I can get.  I still haven't started exercising yet but I'll get there and I'm not going to tear myself down and make myself feel quilty for not doing it.  I'm just doing my best each and everyday and its paying off.

Slow and Steady

Today has been pretty hard.  My eating has been good but I can't say I haven't been tempted.  I have a half gallon of banana split ice cream in my freezer and thats been calling my name.  I also had to run some errands and I was so tempted to stop by a fastfood restaurant and get something to eat.  So far I have avoided both of these temptations because I know if I eat it then I'm going to have an episode of bulimia and I don't want that.  I'm just taking things slow and steady and trying to focus on how my body is feeling now that I don't feel bloated and stuffed from eating to much.  Here is what I've eaten so far:

Breakfast- 1 1/2 cups bran cereal with raisins and  1 cup skim milk

Snack- 1 cup of yogurt

Lunch- turkey and cheese sandwich and an apple

Snack- 1cup of jello

For dinner I'm having salmon, green beans, rice and broccoli

I haven't done any exercise so far today but I may start off slowly by doing my weight lifting later and some crunches.

Updated and Ready to Go

I finally updated my blog with all my new weights and goals and its time to make them a reality now.  There has been alot of stuff going on in my life and its still going on and I have put myself on the backburner for to long.  I have allowed stress to rule my life and as you can tell by my weight gain that meant more eating.  This next year is so important to me.  Next year at this time I graduate from college and when I do I want to be at goal or at least close to goal.  My weight is standing in my way in so many ways.  My self confidence is shot, my self esteem is nonexistant and well I'm suffereing from depression.  My bulimia is still pretty much controlling my life but I'm battling it everyday.  Its just time for me to pull myself out of this blackhole I'm in.  Its lonely, depressing and sometimes I think totally insane to be this way.  I know I want to lose weight, I know I need to lose weight and I know the bulimia is absolutely not helping me to do this so why do I continue to repeat the same steps that aren't working?  Now you see why I think its total insanity.  How can I want something more than I've ever wanted anything in my life and still not be able to accomplish it?  Is it putting so much focus on every bite of food I eat that is making food so irresitable?  I don't even like eating anymore, how can you enjoy something that brings you so much pain and unhappiness, you can't.  I'm hoping that starting my blogging back and getting support from everyone on here will help me to find the strength that I'm lacking right now.  I need this victory in my life, I need to take my power back and I need to be the best I know I can be.  Please God give me the strength to conquer this demon.

I'm Back

Hi everyone I know its been awhile but hopefully I'm back for good now.  I have gained some of my weight back and I will be updating all that later but for now just know I'm trying to eat right and get back to my exercising.  I just passed my first test for the day, a friend wanted me to go out to eat with her and I was so close to going but I ended up just telling her that I was trying to get back on track with my eating and I couldn't go.  I hate telling people no but for my own health I had to.  I'll be posting my food journal and exercise journal later on today and hopefully it will be something I can be proud of.  It feels good to be back where I belong.  Good luck to everyone out there that is struggling with this same battle.

Update:  My eating was pretty good today but I'm going to do better tomorrow.  I didn't exercise today but I did stay pretty busy all day.  Hopefully I will get in some exercise tomorrow.