Monday, March 7, 2011

The Devil Reared His Ugly Head Again

Well I had a few good days of eating and not binging and purging and then the weekend hit and the devil reared his ugly head again.  I was all alone and of course I was depressed so I binged and purged once Saturday and three times yesterday.  I honestly don't know why I do it.  I don't want to, I hate doing it, I try to talk myself out of it but then it always wins in the end.  I have dropped 2 lbs in the last couple days but not in a healthy way.  Todays a new day though and I promise myself and all of you that I'm not going to overeat or binge and purge.  I have my counseling session today so I'm going to talk to her about this problem and see if we can't figure out why I feel the need to resort to such drastic measures.  I know that I have to be trying to fulfill something with food and I need to figure out what that something is so that I can learn to turn to a different coping mechanism.  Right now I know I'm lonely and depressed so I really need to find things to take up my time that don't involve food.  I really, really need to start going to the YMCA because that will not only get me out of the house but maybe I can make some friends there.  Its time to start putting some plans into action instead of just talking about them.  Well I'm off for the day, got a to do list a mile long and never ending and if I lay in this bed much longer I'm just going to go back to sleep.  Hope all of you have a great day.
Posted by Christina at 3/07/2011 07:26:00 AM

5 comments:

  1. Leah: Not Otherwise SpecifiedMarch 7, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    I hope that you have a productive and comforting therapy session today!

    Take your to-do list one thing at a time, and try to not pressure yourself to getting it all done in one day, or even in one week. Be proud after every item checked off. :-)

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  2. WWSuziMarch 7, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    I hope the therapy session helps you to find out the reason for your binge eating and purging. I did that a long time ago. I know it's not a good place to be.

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  3. SarahMarch 7, 2011 at 9:45 PM

    Just wanted to stop by and say hi, I just recently started following your blog. I too am on a journey to losing weight and getting healthy and I have a blog. Looking for others going through the same journey for support.

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  4. Food FreakMarch 8, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    God, I'm sorry about the binge/purge cycle coming back again. While I hope you get a handle on it soon, I know how hard that is to do. It just grabs you and won't let you go. It's as though you're forced to do it by some unseen agent. It's a terrible ED, and the scariest one to me, because I think it's even more dangerous than uncomplicated anorexia.

    Just keep hanging in there. Use your energy to sort things out about this disease, not clean the house. I hope your counselor is an eating disorder specialist, because that's what you need. I have a therapist now who has almost no concept of what anorexia is and I think he's making things worse. Don't do what I'm doing--stay with him/her because you don't want to make them feel bad.

    Good luck to you. Blog anytime. I'll be here.

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  5. ChristinaMarch 19, 2011 at 7:51 AM

    Thanks everyone, right now my bulimia is under control and it does help to have all of you all and my counselor to talk to. I'm just taking things a day at a time.

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