Monday, March 7, 2011

The Devil Reared His Ugly Head Again

Well I had a few good days of eating and not binging and purging and then the weekend hit and the devil reared his ugly head again.  I was all alone and of course I was depressed so I binged and purged once Saturday and three times yesterday.  I honestly don't know why I do it.  I don't want to, I hate doing it, I try to talk myself out of it but then it always wins in the end.  I have dropped 2 lbs in the last couple days but not in a healthy way.  Todays a new day though and I promise myself and all of you that I'm not going to overeat or binge and purge.  I have my counseling session today so I'm going to talk to her about this problem and see if we can't figure out why I feel the need to resort to such drastic measures.  I know that I have to be trying to fulfill something with food and I need to figure out what that something is so that I can learn to turn to a different coping mechanism.  Right now I know I'm lonely and depressed so I really need to find things to take up my time that don't involve food.  I really, really need to start going to the YMCA because that will not only get me out of the house but maybe I can make some friends there.  Its time to start putting some plans into action instead of just talking about them.  Well I'm off for the day, got a to do list a mile long and never ending and if I lay in this bed much longer I'm just going to go back to sleep.  Hope all of you have a great day.


  1. I hope that you have a productive and comforting therapy session today!

    Take your to-do list one thing at a time, and try to not pressure yourself to getting it all done in one day, or even in one week. Be proud after every item checked off. :-)

  2. I hope the therapy session helps you to find out the reason for your binge eating and purging. I did that a long time ago. I know it's not a good place to be.

  3. Just wanted to stop by and say hi, I just recently started following your blog. I too am on a journey to losing weight and getting healthy and I have a blog. Looking for others going through the same journey for support.

  4. God, I'm sorry about the binge/purge cycle coming back again. While I hope you get a handle on it soon, I know how hard that is to do. It just grabs you and won't let you go. It's as though you're forced to do it by some unseen agent. It's a terrible ED, and the scariest one to me, because I think it's even more dangerous than uncomplicated anorexia.

    Just keep hanging in there. Use your energy to sort things out about this disease, not clean the house. I hope your counselor is an eating disorder specialist, because that's what you need. I have a therapist now who has almost no concept of what anorexia is and I think he's making things worse. Don't do what I'm doing--stay with him/her because you don't want to make them feel bad.

    Good luck to you. Blog anytime. I'll be here.

  5. Thanks everyone, right now my bulimia is under control and it does help to have all of you all and my counselor to talk to. I'm just taking things a day at a time.