Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sticking With It

Well I've made it 6 days without binging or purging and it feels so good to be in control.  Its been a rough week though between the stress of starting school, being bored and stress in my personal life but I'm hanging in there.  I'm staying ahead in my school work, getting the house clean and making out schedules to keep me on track with everything.  The bad thing is I go through this pretty regularly and it never lasts long but I'm going to try to keep it going this time.  I love having routine in my life and knowing what I'm expected to do from day to day.  I've even started to get help from the kids around the house without an argument which is really nice. 

What I don't understand is why if this feeling is so good why do I switch back to my old self?  Is it laziness or do I really have some kind of issue with sticking with things or maybe a combination of both?  Do you find this pattern in your life?  How do you stay on top of things and not become overwhelmed?


  1. Congrats on making it almost a week! Woohoo!

  2. Thanks Lisa, my first weigh in will be Friday and I can't wait.

  3. I'm SO proud of you! No B&P!!

    Okay. Here's the simple version. Behavior and thoughts, if repeated often enough, lay down "pathways" in the brain, just as water will form a path if the rain falls a certain way all the time. In fact, you can get the Grand Canyon that way. After a while, no matter what happens, the brain will take input, regardless of where it belongs, and shunt it down that engraved pathway.

    The reason you revert to the old way is that it provided, at some time in your past, enough pain relief, or support, or pleasure....something, that it made a pathway. Your new way, however good it is for you, has to fight to lay down a new pathway. So it's just easier for your brain and emotions to do what they've always done.

    In order to change for the good, you have to continually do the new things, the new thinking, often enough that you dig a new pathway--one deep enough that thoughts will flow down the path easily, eventually digging a path as deep as the old one.


  4. Thanks Food Freak, never thought about it that way, but just how long does it take to lay down a new

  5. Christina, I know the self sabotage thing oh too well.

    It's not laziness, it's more about our own concept of who we are, formed by those pathways that Food Freak talked about.

    Deep down you don't really think you can maintain a normal weight, it's that little voice in your head reminding you of how much you really love camembert cheese and a bottle of wine and you really can't change blah-de-blah blah.

  6. hi! I just stumbled upon your blog, and I wanted to say congrats for going 6 days without binging and purging!! I was bulimic for 6+ years so I know what a huge accomplishment that is. Just keep building on those successes and keep on fighting. What Foodfreak said about the pathways is what really got me to change. You literally need to rewire your brain, and how it responds to stress and eating disorder triggers. I went to an inpatient ED program a few years ago and thats what stuck with me. I definitely have had relapses since then but not for a long time and I feel a million times better. I still struggle somewhat with binging and obsessing about my weight, but have stopped purging and that has made all the difference in the world, physically and mentally. when you are stuck in that awful B/P cycle, you can't think of anything else and its impossible to be happy and engaged in your life.(as you obviously know) just keep staying positive and know that YOU CAN DO THIS. when I was at my worst, all I wanted was for someone to tell me that I would be ok, that I would beat this frigging disorder, so I wanted to say that to you. Kick bulimia's ass!

  7. Thanks Kasey, its nice to know that their are others that have went through what I'm going through and overcame it. It gives me hope.

  8. In response to the above brain comments: It is true that the neuronal pathways, hormones, chemicals, and electrical pathways shape over time. They do so because of the emotional investment and the feel of what we do. These cycles becomes habits fast when the emotional state is powerful. Eating ice cream through a divorce ... 10 years later still eating it and have gained many pounds.

    You can also get equally excited about the change you want. Invest, tell everyone, speak loud and clear, get excited ... you can change your mind as quickly as you want. However, those patterns can quickly become activated if you start down the path again.