Saturday, August 13, 2011

Why am I Afraid to Lose Weight?

Have you ever wondered if you are just afraid to lose weight and if so what would be the reason behind it?  I've talked to my counselor many times about this but we haven't figured out my reason yet.  What am I hiding from under all this fat....myself or others?  Maybe its just pure laziness keeping me from losing the weight or maybe I just don't want it bad enough, but how can that be when I spend so much of my life focused on losing weight?  So many questions run through my mind.  Do I like being fat....Hell No.   Do I like people looking at me like I have some kind of disease or something....No Way.  Do I want to change....Without a Doubt. 

So what is it going to take for me to lose weight?  My health is on the line now so is that going to be a big enough motivator?  I don't know because it hasn't been a big enough motivator to stop my bulimia.  How do I find the strength to do what I know needs to be done?  In my brain its so easy just eat right and exercise, so how do I make myself do that?

If anyone has answers to any of my questions please let me know.   Are you afraid of losing weight and if so what are you hiding from?  What did it take for you to change and lose weight?  I would love to hear other peoples stories.

29 comments:

  1. I know I have asked myself the same questions over the years and felt so frustrated I couldn't figure out what my problem was. Once I started taking action and doing my best to ignore the scale and how slowly it moved, started focusing on fitness and not just weight loss, something clicked. Good luck in finding out what will make things click for you. Don't give up, the next thing you try might be just the thing you needed. Keep the faith!

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  2. Thanks for the motivational words.

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    1. Iamafraidtoloseweightandifeellikeiustgotup.

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  3. I have struggled with my weight all my life, since i was a toddler. at two i weighed 50 pounds, at eleven i was at my highest weight, 220 pounds. i was always teased, had no friends and no confidence. when i was twelve i had my first crush, i got up the nerve to tell him i liked him and his response was he only dates pretty skinny girls. from that day forward something in me changed, a motive rose up and i never looked back, by the time i was thirteen i lost sixty pounds by eating small portions and not drinking soda. i got a treadmill and walked everyday for an hour determined and focused. i kept the weight off and got down to 128 which is small for me, until i had my son at the age of 17. im now almost 22 yrs old and for the past four years have struggled with binge eating, belemia and diet after diet after diet. ive always been an emotional eater, and i know that its going to take more than just some temporary calorie restrictions to lose the weight and keep it of, its going to take a mindset change, a new view of myself, and a new motive. searching my thoughts for a motive worth rising up and overcoming a life time of food addiction is not an easy thing, but the thought of spending the rest of my life yo yoing with diets and jeprodizing my health, and hating my self is truly unappealing. so what to do?! as of rescent ive decided to once again never look back, to forvive myself for falling into these addictions that cause me all kinds of harm, and to rise above this in my mind, i believe that you and i and anyone else out there who struggles with eating disorders or has an unhealthy relationship with food has the determination, the drive, the motives and strength they need to overcome it. its one step at a time, one weak moment at a time. it helps to surround your self with positive people, who encourage you to look inside and see how truly beautiful you are as a person, and how much your truly worth. i believe that loving who you are on the inside first will show on the outside overtime if you set a few goals and get your mind focused on being a thinner happier healthier you. i just recently confided in the first real friend ive ever had about my food issues and was truly encouraged to pick myself up one more time. i want energy! wi wanna like what i see in the mirror! and i want to have confidence. i want to enjoy activities with my son and be a better role model... between having a good friend to encourage you, surrounding yourself with positivity, looking inside at the real you and loving yourself inside first and focusing your mind on solid reasons to get up and move forward and just accepting that this is where im at, now i wanna take myself to the top of this mountain one step at a time is really all the motivation you need. god bless you and good luck on your journey!

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  4. Hi! I was just thinking about my fears about losing weight and I thought I'd share them. I'll be 20 years old in a couple of months, and I've been about 15 pounds overweight my entire life.

    I realised that I have many fears about losing weight. To start off, I'm afraid that I'll change if I lose weight. I'm afraid that my personality will change, that I won't be the same, sweet person. I'm afraid that I'll be pretty and full of myself.

    Next, I'm so afraid of boys. I've always had an ideal picture of the perfect man, and as much as I want to find somebody, I'm scared of being hurt. I'm worried that if I lose weight, I'll attract guys and actually end up liking one of them only to be hurt. I'm afraid that my dreams of a fairy tale man will be crushed. I'm worried that I'll give my heart to the first beautiful boy that takes an interest in me. And, as stupid as this sounds, I'm afraid of losing my virginity to someone who doesn't love me.

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    1. Hello,

      Thank you for this post. I can relate to every word you've written.

      I've been overweight my whole life, and I'm turning 20 in exactly 7 months.

      I'm scared.

      I'm scared of going in yet another weight loss journey and not losing the weight. Of never losing the weight. Of staying fat forever, and waking up everyday fighting and battling this consuming feeling of guilt and of damaged self esteem.

      But I'm also afraid of losing the weight. I've been blaming my low self esteem, my distorted body image, my thinking I can never be beautiful, or be in a relationship with a guy who loves me for who I am- on my weight. But what if I lose all the weight and it turns out it's just me?

      I realize as I'm writing this that I'd rather lose it and find out what's really holding me back than kid myself and live in a delusional perception of reality.

      So now, I want to -not try- and lose weight, but lose it. Do what it takes. Get up and exercise even though I'd much rather stay in and watch series.
      I will commit to this. Not just to "look pretty", but to find out who I really am and what I'm made of.

      Why can't I do it? I ask myself. There is no reason. It's just mental, and I'm on to that now.

      I wish you all success, and the advice I give to you and myself is to stop being afraid. And the only way to stop feeling fear is to conquer it.

      This will be an exhilarating journey, I'll see you at the finish line.

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    2. Hi. I was glad to find this. I am extremely over weight. I wasn't always in fact when I was younger I was in very good shape. My problem is it brought a lot of attention from men. I had a couple of very bad things happen and it has affected my relationships. I am very happily married now and I am scared to death that if I lose the weight history will repeat itself.

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    3. "But I'm also afraid of losing the weight. I've been blaming my low self esteem, my distorted body image, my thinking I can never be beautiful, or be in a relationship with a guy who loves me for who I am- on my weight. But what if I lose all the weight and it turns out it's just me?"

      This almost made me want to throw up because it's so real. You hit the nail on the head.

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  5. Just so happen to see this link in a search, to see if anyone has ever asked the question on the internet. I have been asking myself the same question and I wish I could give you an answer. I know a lot of people say, you have to comment to the change and I know it is not that easy from experience. But in the end you have to want to do it for yourself and as you get closer, all the answers of why were you afraid will be answered with every pound gone. So I am cheering you on as I am on the same journey.

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  6. I'm afraid to lose weight, too, but I think I know the reason. I've been fighting with unrealistic weight ideals all my life because of my mother (who got it from my grandmother). I've struggled with anorexia since I was about 14 (I'm now going on 28). It's never been serious enough to get me hospitalized, but bad enough for me to be able to look back and know I was walking dangerously close to the edge.

    It's like I start out with good, healthy intentions, but then I get addicted to the weight loss. What starts out as normal exercise routine becomes obsessive. What starts out as healthier eating turns into less eating. I try to watch it, but when I start losing weight, without fail, I start to go too far because I love the feeling of control (classic thing to hear from anorexic people).

    I tell my husband all this in tears, and he says, "Then don't do that!" Right, that's like telling a crack addict to just not do crack. Because that always works soooo well, lol.

    It seems I just can't stop at the average weight. A good average for me would probably be 130. However, the only time I've been 130 is when I'm either on my way to 110 or less, or on my way to 150. It's like I can never just stop there.

    I am now 150, which according to the BMI is about five pounds overweight (nothing too horrible), and it seems I need to either accept myself at 150, or accept myself at 110. I think I probably look better at 150 than I do 110, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a fat, flabby cow. I see other women the same weight or heavier and think they look great. But on me, it's like it's some horrible thing.

    I don't know. I should probably be counseled for it, but I don't have the money for that. So, for the time being, I will keep trying to love myself for who I am, rather than trying to fight and hurt myself to lose weight.

    Sorry I don't have any advice, I guess sometimes it just helps to put your feelings and fears into words.

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  7. Hello to you all, I too google "afraid to lose weight" except for a different reason. I am writing a chapter in a book about eating issues. After working with folks for a number of years and my personal struggles with weigh issues that are resolved, I might have some suggestions for you. Talk therapy will not get to the underlying drivers of over eating. You have to use hypnotherapy, EFT, Constellation work and guide imagery.

    1. In my work, I ALWAYS CLEAR the past failure of all weight loss attempts and program involvement (Weight Watchers, Zone, etc). I use psychological acupressure and hypnotic techniques.

    2. Overeating can come from many directions: Childhood table trauma, our relationship with mother, anx.depression, abuse, neglect, grief, You see where I am going with this. I believe we take our lives to the table. Over eating and the weight issues are secondary to what is driving the behavior.

    3. You have to reduce the stress first and then decide on a plan.

    4. Fat has value. It is limitless in terms of what the subconscious mind creates it but it is usually logical from this powerful place in the mind.

    Just wanted to let you know that there is hope for anyone wanting to make changes. One breath, each step at a time.

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  8. At 265 lbs and 5'1, I am also overweight. Have been overweight to some degree my whole life. I also think I am just afraid of losing the identity I have known my whole life. It's as though any identity is better than none at all. I don't know who that skinny girl is underneath it all. I am 2 months away from weight loss surgery & my biggest fear is that I will fail at this too. I'm not ready- and I don't know why. I think I need a therapist. No doubt. But thank you for your words. It is nice to know I am not alone with this feeling- to be afraid of becoming a better me. It isn't logical, but its how I feel.

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  9. Hello everyone! I'm a 14 year old girl at the height of five foot and a half. I weigh about 130 pounds. Which is overweight in my doctor's standards. He says I should weigh 88 pounds, but I can't bring myself to lose weight. I know what to do, I researched everything about weight loss and exercising. Only I can't. Man, do I know how much I want to lose it! To stop being so self-conscious whenever I get up to freaking sharpen my pencil! To stop feeling like everyone's pitying the overweight short girl. To stop feeling like guys can't like me because of my weight! Can someone please help me find my motivation? I want to so badly, but I can't make myself do it, I need it and I want it. I just can't do it......Someone please help! - Rayne

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    1. Hi Rayne,
      You have really brought back some memories! Your story is mine I too at 14 years old was aprox. 130lbs and back then i felt as you do now, uncomfortable, like someone is always stairing because of my weight not happy with myself( and dont let me forget to mention i was 4'11) but even though i know i could have been healthier by losing 15 or 20lbs i look back today at the age of 34 and see pictures of that 14 year old girl and she was beautiful inside and out! Love yourself now!

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  10. Rayne,

    I don't know what words of advice I can give to you other than to let you know that when I read your post it took me back. I too was always one of the heavy girls in my class. I always felt like some sort of freak who wished nothing more than to hide in the shadows.

    My family was never harsh or anything, but there was always the disapproving stares and little comments when I was rummaging in the kitchen or sitting eating things like a huge bowl of ice cream.

    I actually reached my heaviest, @ 300 lbs when I was 14. I am 5' 7", and believe me...that is big! Something happened just before my 15th birthday and I had my first real push of losing weight. I actually went from a size 22 down to a size 12. I remember at the end pulling out a pair of my old pants and I could fit my entire body into one pant leg. I felt so accomplished, so proud of myself in that moment. The reason is because I did it for me and I felt amazing!

    I just reached a point where I had enough of feeling like I didn't deserve to be happy. I had enough of not feeling beautiful, I had enough of thinking I just wasn't good enough. Basically I got mad, not at anyone else just at the situation. When you get mad enough about something you tend to find a solution to the problem.

    I am now 34 years old, I have 5 amazing children and a wonderful husband. The experiences of my youth were tough but because of them it has made me an even stronger person. You can do this Rayne, but please only do it for yourself. You are a strong and capable person who has the right to walk with confidence, knowing that you truly are beautiful inside and out!!

    ~Sarah

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  11. I am 5'6" and weigh 150 pounds most of the time, but I feel my best at 135 or 140. It seems that whenever I get to 140 or 135, I am able to button my pants and love my tummy. I feel so happy; however, other women seem to start making comments to me, like, "are you losing weight?" or "you look too skinny." When this happens, I become so self-conscious, I start eating more and then I get back to my highest weight. I then struggle to get back to my "happy" weight but I tend to sabotage my efforts and actually feel afraid to lose weight. I think this is an awesome post.

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  12. I am a fat woman. I shine regardless.
    When I am slender, I shine even more.

    People find it hard to stand next to someone who shines.I have a hard time with that, so I remain fat.

    I was a skinny kid, skinny teen, and beautifully shapely young woman to age 30-something. The last time I was in really good shape was in 2001.

    I did (do) not want too much attention from men. (abused as a child), and I do not want to lose my friends, or have my husband feeling insecure.

    Sad, huh?

    Also, fat is easy. It's not comfortable, but it is easy. You eat anything you want, and you move on.

    So now, I am just tired of the whole fat thing. I don't care if anyone is not comfortable with me being absolutely gorgeous, slender, smart, well-spoken, spiritual, lively, and all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips!

    That is not my problem!

    I am now 51, going through menopause, and I am sick and tired of my health being at such a poor place. Yes, I have been afraid to lose weight. Yes, I have been eating to stuff a variety of emotions-past and present. Yes, being fat kind of keeps me in the background.

    So, we just need to know where we want to be in our lives. We need to be in a wonderful place. Are we not God's creation? Did he not tell us to let our lights shine before ALL men?

    Here is something I have to ponder on deeply:

    Poem by Marianne Wilson....Our Deepest Fear.
    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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    1. I TRULY appreciated this post! I feel exactly the same way. I was thin, healthy, smart, beautiful, popular, kind, giving, and well-liked most of my younger years. Now I am obese and miserable in every sense. I am tired of feeling this way and feeding the negativity just because I am afraid of looking better than most and being targeted by men and women once again. For me I am most concerned about my gorgeous children believing that they too are not worthy of the beauty they have been blessed with and will follow the same path or WORSE I could leave this world before my time and not see them grow and be happy adults. Thanks for your response...this is how I feel xo

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    2. Hi everyone,
      Just responding to doll baby diva. That is exactly my scenario except that i am early 30s now. Thank you for the poem and for taking the time to share your views it helped me and thankyou Christina for starting this blog. I am doing Bodytrim by Geoff Jowett the Australian fitness dude. So far so good. Google it guys if ur looking for not another diet but a new lifestyle. Cheers!

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  13. Losing weight is not an overnight thing. It entails proper discipline and determination to reach your ideal weight. With a proper diet or designed program, you will not only lose weight but get yourself into shape. Also, drinking water will help your digestions and cleanse your body.

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  14. I just had a revelation this morning and realized that I'm afraid to lose weight. I'm 5'7" and have had ups and downs my whole life, recently having an "up" in which I put on 20lbs in two years. Over the last seven months I've been working out and trying to eat right and today when I stepped on the scale and saw that I was 153 (down from 162) I had a moment of panic. I couldn't explain it but I knew that I was scared. So I thought on it all morning before I realized that I'm afraid to lose weight because I'm afraid if I ever get really skinny that I still won't be "beautiful enough." I've always had a little extra weight and now i'm wondering if it wasn't "protecting" me from finding out that even if I'm as skinny as I can be I still won't be attractive enough to be happy with myself. As long as I have that layer of blubber there's always something I "could do to improve" my looks.

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    1. I think you may have hit the nail on the head! I'm a pretty "Type A" presonality and very driven in many areas of my life yet I haven't been able to get to a weight that I feel comfortable at for quite a few years. The times when I felt that I looked the best were often when I was at my emotional worst (usually after a breakup). I felt like the only way I could get back at that person for hurting me was to look reeeealy good. But then once I started to heal and started to love myself again the weight comes back on. I really do love the person that I am and I am proud of the things I've accomplished but this one area of my life has been so troublesome. I will do great at eating an excercising for weeks but as soon as I start to notice the difference and see myself looking better, I sabotage by eating too much and exercising too little. I think that I am scared that if I get to the weight I feel comfortable at and I find that I still don't find myself atractive enough or thin enough I won't know what to do with myself. With a few extra pound I don't have to worry about it because I'm not "there" yet to find out. Thank you so much for sharing this revelation. It has helped me work a few things out.

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    2. I'm glad I found this site . If I loose the weight I won't be able to use that as an excuse if someone doesn't like me .Ever since I can remember I've stood out , people noticed me for being different and they called me out on every flaw that could be found and some even made up. I believed them , why would anyone lie to my face? All I wanted was acceptance from my parents friends and sister and brother. I got to think something was wrong with me. I tried to commit suicide three times. Yes it was a desperate cry for help. Now I am 50 years old and have lost 75 lbs . I'm still scared but working on it. Thanks again for this insight .

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  15. Hi there, Christina. Years ago, I was in the same position as you are. It didn’t take too long for me to hate myself and started asking, “Is this all I’m capable of? Eating burgers and sitting on the couch to take the pain away?” I want to prove something to myself that I can exceed my own expectations -- that I actually have the conviction to see things through, so that I can regain my confidence as a person. I removed all the unhealthy foods in my diet slowly and I enrolled myself to my local gym. I constantly pushed myself, so that I can achieve what I want. And now, I couldn’t be happier and more proud that I was able to shed off 200lbs off the scale. I hope you find the same drive in yourself too!

    Shemika Vanhoose

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  16. I, too, have struggled with my weight all my life. This time last year, I was anorexic, weighing songs 85lbs. Now, I'm almost twice that, and all my efforts to lose weight since then have been futile. I came looking for some inspiration... I might just be afraid of.becoming anorexic again. For others, you might just be afraid of success, because you've felt like a screw-up for so long... I know I have.

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  17. How are you now, Christina? I hope things are going well for you now. I was the same back then; I did want to lose weight, but I seem to have had no time for it or I was too lazy. Summer came, and all of my relatives were frolicking on the beach while I was hiding myself in the shade. That's when I realized that in order for me to regain me too feel happy about myself, I have to lose weight and I have to start now. I changed my diet and went to a local instructor to have some guidance. The first few weeks was a struggle, but I haven't looked back ever since.

    Bernardine Terranova

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  18. Hi. I was glad to find this. I am extremely over weight. I wasn't always in fact when I was younger I was in very good shape. My problem is it brought a lot of attention from men. I had a couple of very bad things happen and it has affected my relationships. I am very happily married now and I am scared to death that if I lose the weight history will repeat itself.

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  19. I really wish I had some words that would help you guys, but I just have my own issues around fear of losing weight.

    I am five foot seven and I weigh around 367lbs. I know my weight gain goes back to serious childhood issues. I have worked through so many of them with counsellors and I am in a place where I can forgive my sexual abusers.

    I lost my father when I was young too, he died, and I had issues around that. I am still quite mad at him for leaving me with my abusive mother. I do appreciate that isn't rational; I know he didn't want to die, he wouldn't have chosen to die.

    That said, I am terrified of losing weight.

    The reason I am so scared is because I feel like losing weight is going to leave me vulnerable to attack again. At this weight I am pretty much invisible. I know I am huge, but people just see me and register *fat person, nothing to see here* and move on. And as you know, fat people are harder to kidnap! ;)

    Saying my Mother abused me seems very wrong. In my head I want to make excuses for her. But although she is totally in denial, she did hit me and my brothers and sisters. I got it worst though. There are reasons for that, because she did parent in the way she was parented, and many of us do, but that is her story and I don't particularly want to tell it right here.

    I feel like if I get smaller I will be more vulnerable to her as well. I am 48, and she is 75. She is old an a bit frail know, so my logical brain can see that she is in no way able to hurt me. Plus after her mum died she became a nicer person. She is still dogmatic and her way is the only way but she at least has a veneer of being more pleasant. We still see the old Mom come out from time to time, a little bit of viciousness, but she certainly hasn't hit of us for ages. She doesn't hit her grandchildren either.

    I think, like many of you guys, it is just the fear of whatever bad thing we experienced when we were smaller coming back again because we are small.

    I am very reassured that I am not on my own. I do have to sort through this issue though - I have had to sort through so many issues you would think I am a pro now!

    I only realized that my fear of losing weight is linked to my Mom in the last couple of days, so today I have phoned a counsellor in hopes that maybe someone can help me with my irrational fears. Or are they rational? Not too sure about that one.

    The things that help me are EFT (emotional freedom technique) or tapping as it is also known. You can Google that and find out about it - never pay anyone for tapping as the guy that invented it, or discovered it, meant for it to be free - it has helped me with previous issues.

    The other thing I really recommend is journaling. Just the act of writing things down, or drawing things even, on a regular (ish) basis has helped me really get a clearer perspective on things.

    I hope we all find a way to work through our issues.

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  20. Thank you! Not the only one in the world...I keep thinking that if I lose weight I am physically sick. Even though I am trying to lose weight! Even though I know better somewhere down deep I'm totally irrational about it. Twisted sister...:) I'm going to look up the EFT and give it a try. Have successfully been counseled with EMDR for lots of childhood trauma but this issue with weight is so elusive. Thanks everyone.

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