Monday, January 10, 2011

Fallen Off the Wagon

As some as you may have noticed I've not been posting like I use to.  Well there is a good reason for that I've totally fallen off the wagon.  My mojo is gone, my motivation is nonexistent and my determination has disappeared into thin air.  Am I giving up?.....NO....but I'm struggling bad.  My bulimia has flashed its ugly head so on top of gaining weight I'm struggling not to get back into that destructive pattern.  I'm feeling miserable for what I've been eating and even worse for not having exercised for the last week. 

Sometime ago someone suggested a new eating program called The Eating Clean Diet and I've been researching this alot for the last few days. The premise behind this program as I understand is to eat foods in their most natural states, avoiding anything overly processed.  I'm hoping by focusing on a new eating program and putting my energy into that I can get back on track. 

I've also decided to go off the new medicine that my doctor put me on because honestly I think its doing more damage than good.  Its been along time since I've given into my urges to binge and purge but since going on this medicine I don't seem to have any control over it.  It seems to be giving me this sense of just not caring.  I need to take control of my life again and this is one of the first steps I'm taking.

I know that I've gotten so much support from all of you'll and I'm sorry if I have let you down but I promise I'm doing everything I can to get back on track.  It sure was taking me along time to lose the weight but its not taking that long to put it back on so I want to put a stop to it before I gain to much back. 

Winter isn't a big help right now either.  I'm snowed in so its hard to walk outside with it being so cold and I can't get out to make it to the gym.  I was so looking forward to starting school back to get some kind of distraction in my life and now school is being called off because of the snow.  I'll just continue to hold on as long as I can and make steps to get back to where I need to be thats all I can do. 

Thanks everyone for your support and I am going to start making regular posts again tomorrow in the hopes that maybe that will kick start me into getting back on track.


  1. It is so hard to stay upbeat when you've lost your mojo, even Austin Powers was a little down. I think you can do, you've lost over 30 pounds and we all know that's a lot of work. Hang in there!

  2. I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. I think you should talk to your doctor and see if maybe they have a different medicine that you can take instead of the one you are currently on. Explain what is happening and how you are feeling. They have so many medications out there, I would be surprised if they didn't have an alternative.

    Everyone falls off the wagon. You haven't lost your grip yet. Just by what I have read, you had a bad week or two. But clearly you know it and you don't want it to happen. However being depressed and loss of motivation, that all adds up to a bad week :(

    Hang in there!! You can do this!!

  3. Christina, I´m sorry you´re going through a rough patch right now. Take a moment and reflect on how far you´ve come, I know sometimes it´s hard, and it´s also easy to give in to feeling guilty, but You´re so worth it!!! Hang in there!

  4. You will get through this- the fact that you're still here posting makes me believe that! I hope the new eating plan works for you; it can take trying a lot of different things to figure out what is best for you!

  5. So sorry that you have hit a rough patch. I have heard and read about others in the same situation right now, and I think a lot has to do with the time of year (post-holiday, less sunlight, and cold weather). Hang in there, and I believe things will get better as we head toward spring and--more sunlight!

  6. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with bulimia! I am a recovered anorexic/bulimic/EDNOS, so I can relate to that. It's no fun. :-(

    The only diet that has been able to help me long-term and not bring up too many disordered eating thought has been Weight Watchers. Have you ever tried it? It is portion control, which at first was kind of triggering for me, but eventually just became routine. I've been able to lose about a pound a week on WW, which isn't huge, but it's a healthy rate.

    Best of luck to you!

  7. My mojo comes and goes. I figure as long as the lows don't last too long, than I am fine.

    I semi follow the Eat Clean diet. My 2 cents on it. It is a great idea but requires work. They call some of the menus "coolers" because you have to carry a cooler with you everywhere. Which means a lot of prep work. It is also a ton of food. You eat often and decent quanities. I have been reading your food logs and noticed you may eat 2 times a day max. Eat clean its 5 to 6 times a day. That is a really big change for you. Overall the book is a great tool and provides other Non diet information. Cooler 1 is the strictest program, very low carb.

  8. I've lost and regained mojo many times. It is hard to be up all the time. Keep posting and reading blogs. It can be a little tough in weight loss blog land when you have a tendency towards an eating disorder. That just isn't the same as needing to lose 20 lbs. I'm really working on more than just the diet / exercise aspect..have been going to overeaters anonymous meetings--heck just reading the literature is helpful . Hope things get better for you.

  9. Thanks everyone for your support, all of you are why I keep going.

    Leah I have done weight watchers, actually lost 148 lbs on weight watchers before but the last few times I've tried it it just didnt have the same success for me.