Stress

Today has been a really stressful day.  First I wake up and find that I have lost no weight this week so I decide to go buy a new scale but first I have to go to the doctor and have blood drawn.  Now I hate needles but its never as bad as I imagine it to be.  So I go to the doctor and leave from there and run and get a scale.  Well that was one good thing in my day because the new scale says I have lost a pound.  The rest of the day consisted of cleaning the house, doing my exercise for the day, fixing dinner, and studying for a photography test I have tomorrow.  By this time the kids are home from school and I always have them do their homework first thing which becomes an all out battle with usually one of them.  Today it was my youngest so I made him go to his room and think about why he should have just listened to me and done his homework.  We then have dinner and I wash up all the dishes.  I then spend the next hour still trying to get my youngest to do his homework, during which I'm still trying to study for my test.  As you know I have 3 boys and the oldest does not get along at all with the two younger ones so most of the time its a screaming match around here.  I've tried so many times to get things under control but my kids just don't respect me.  Oh they are wonderful in school and for everybody else but for me its all out hell around here.  Well I sent all three to bed early, the two youngest ones because they don't get up in the morning for me without yelling and pitching a fit and also when bedtimes get here they find any reason to keep coming out of their room.  The oldest was sent to bed early because he tries to play parent and tell me what to do.  On top of that things are really stressed between my husband and myself because he doesn't believe I am disciplining the kids good enough which I agree with but he has no idea how stressful things are on me.  I feel like I am peacekeeper, referee and judge in this house.  So all the kids are mad at me for punishing them and my husband is ill with me because I sometimes take my frustration out on him.  On top of all of this I'm still trying to study for a test tomorrow which I'm really stressing over.  Another thing I am obsessed over is making really good grades.  I try to divide myself among everyone and everything but sometimes I feel so stretched thin that I don't know how much more I can take on.  I've went back to school to try to make a better life for me and my family but with little support and encouragement from anyone.  Plus trying to eat right and exercise and take care of a family and home.  As you can tell I'm just a little stressed today, but my main point of this post is that usually when I'm stressed I want to eat.  Eat anything in sight, but mainly sweets......chocolate, ice cream, cookies, cake....anything you can think of.  But its different now my focus has moved off of food, I guess thats a really good thing but I do feel like I'm missing something.  Now I have to deal with this stress in some other form.  I literally feel like my head is going to explode, I guess this would be a really good time to exercise but I've already done my exercise for today.  Time to find some new ways to deal with stress, any suggestions?

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 packs of instant oatmeal
                 1 banana
                 water (16.9 oz)

Snack- 1 cup grapes
            1 granola bar
            water (16.9 oz)

Dinner- 5 oz chicken
            1 cup broccoli and cauliflower
            1 cup green beans
            1/4 cup corn
            1 whole sweet potato with 1 tbls margarine, 1 tbls
             brown sugar and cinnamon
            water (16.9 oz)


I had a pretty big dinner but I did skip lunch.  I really ate to much I should have just had half of the sweet potato but boy did it taste good.

I've already exercised today and I was going for 45 minutes but it was so hot outside that I gave up at 35 minutes but thats still good.

Weigh In- Week 3

Well I weighed this morning and the scaled showed no change which is disappointing but I'm using it as motivation to work even harder next week.  I guess my body is in shock from eating healthy and exercising and right now its just holding on to every bit of weight it can but I will win in the end.  I am going to go today and buy me a different scale though because I have one of the old scales that just tells weight loss by the pounds I want one that tells by the tenths.  I might have lost something this morning even if its only a half a pound but my scale doesn't show that.  I guess one more week out of my life not losing anything isn't going to kill me I have to think about the long term weight loss.  Maybe next week I will see the scales move, maybe even alot to make up for this week.  Just seven more days until weigh in again, so seven more days I have to work my butt off.  Plus next Tuesday I'm taking a new picture to put on here to see if I can notice any difference in how I look so I really do need to work hard.  I can tell I have lost inches at least around my upper stomach area or maybe its just from not feeling bloated all the time.  I have to go to the doctor in alittle while and get my blood drawn so I'm fasting right now and I'm going to go get me a scale before I come back and eat so if I've lost anything on the new scale I will post an update.  Hope you all have a great eating and exercise day.

Update:  I just posted an exercise tracker on my blog just so I could see it listed all together when I exercised and how much and I've noticed a pattern until this last Sunday.  I would exercise three days and then take one day off.  That's kind of weird because I did not intentionally plan it like that it just worked out that way.  Maybe my body was trying to tell me something.  I think to try to increase my weight loss I'm going to up my walks to 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes.  I have to do something to boost my metabolism.  If anyone else has any ideas I would appreciate them.  Thanks so much.

Update:  I just went and bought me a digital scale and to my surprise I lost exactly 1 lb this week.  Yay for me thats what I had set my goal for.  I still have to work harder this week though because my goal is 2 lbs.  I'm just happy I lost something.

Sweating

I know this is not a great subject but this summer sweating has been an awful reality for me.  I'm not sure if its the medicine I'm taking or if its being overweight but I'm miserable.  I know last summer I wasn't like this but I was also about 35 lbs lighter then.  Could 35 lbs really make this much difference or is this just an extra hot summer?  I know here the humidity has been so bad everyday that you just don't even want to leave the house.  Today at school we had to go outside and do some practice exercises with our cameras and I knew that I was going to be sweating buckets; luckily I bought this stuff when I got married that you spray on your face and its suppose to keep you from sweating so I tried it today and it did help alot.  It's so embarassing to be drenched in sweat and everybody else seems to not even be hot.  One girl today actually had a jacket on when we went outside, how crazy is that?  Honestly this is probably one of my biggest motivations right now for losing weight because I'm tired of being embarassed all the time.  I don't mind sweating when I'm exercising, I actually like it because it means I'm working out hard but I'm sick of looking like someone has dumped a bucket of water over my head all the time.  If it is my medicine then I'm in trouble because I'm definitely not going off of it.  All I can say is thank God its going to be fall soon and then by the time next summer gets here all this weight will be gone and hopefully I won't have to worry about this sweating problem ever again.  Does anyone else seem to have this problem and if you do what do you do about it?

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 banana
                 1 cup skim milk

Lunch- 2 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese and mustard on
            2 slices whole wheat bread
            1 cucumber
            1 cup grapes
            water (16.9 oz)

Snack- 1 granola bar
            water (16.9 oz)

Dinner- 6 oz baked chicken breast
            1/2 cup rice
            1/4 cup dressing
            1/2 cup green beans
            1/2 cup corn
            water (16.9 oz)

I feel like I ate really good today but I'm worried about tomorrow.  I have to weigh in the morning and when I weighed this morning I was exactly the same thing as I was last week.  I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.  I feel like I'm eating right and I'm exercising 5-6 days a week for 30 minutes.  Why is my body fighting so hard against this weight loss.  I guess I will have to wait and see what the morning brings.

I am definitely going to exercise today maybe even longer than usual, I think I will go for 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes.

Update:  I ended up walking for 45 minutes around my neighborhood plus I played frisbee with the kids for about 20 minutes.
         

Friend Makin Mondays

I found this on another bloggers site and thought it would be a fun way to let people get to know something about me and maybe find out about some of the people who read my blog.


I like...taking photographs.



I don't like...people who think they are better than other people.



I love...my kids and my husband.



I dream of...losing weight, finishing school, finding a job, buying a house and finally feeling like I have accomplished something in my life.



I wonder...what my future holds.



I know...I can succeed at anything I put my mind to.



I went...back to school this year and I'm loving it.



I have...3 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat and 1 guinea pig.



I think...starting this blog was exactly what I needed to get me motivated to lose weight.




I plan...out every second of my day.



I regret...some of the choices I have made in my life.



I do...obsess about things.



I drink...water and skim milk.



I wish...I could give my kids a bigger place to live in with their own rooms.



I am....a good person with a big heart.



I am not...selfish.



I need...to know I'm loved.



I graduated...from cosmetology school.



I hope...I can give my family a better life soon.



I want...to travel the world.



I sometimes...wish I could be a teenager again and make different choices.



I always...take care of the people I love.




I can...cook very good according to my husband.



I work...at home taking care of my family.



I cannot...ice skate.



I avoid...public speaking.



I will...make all my dreams come true.
 
 
 If you will just copy and paste this list to your blog and fill in your own answers we can learn alittle more about each other.

The original post can be found here http://alltheweigh2009.blogspot.com/2010/08/friend-makin-mondays-back-to-basics.html

Goals

I thought I would list my weight loss goals just so they are in black and white and I can look back and see if I'm staying on track. 

My first weigh in was on August 10th and since then I have lost 7 lbs.  My next weigh in will be Tuesday, August 31st and I hope to at least lose 1 lb.  I'm going to take a new picture to post on here showing the weight I have lost every four weeks which means I will being taking my next picture on September 7th, at this time I hope I am at 10 lbs lost.  After this first initial month I am hoping to lose on average 2 lbs a week.  That means that I should be at these weights on these dates.

August 10, 2010- 247 lbs (starting weight)
September 7, 2010- 237 lbs
October 5, 2010- 229 lbs
November 2, 2010- 221 lbs
November 30, 2010- 213 lbs (34 lb loss for Thanksgiving, thats a lot to be thankful for)
December 28, 2010- 205 lbs (42 lb loss for Christmas would make it a very merry Christmas)
January 25, 2011- 197 lbs
February 22, 2011- 189 lbs (under 200 for valentines how sweet that would be)
March 22, 2011- 181 lbs
April 19, 2011- 173 lbs
May 17, 2011- 165 lbs (it would be nice to celebrate our 5 year anniversary with me at this weight)
June 14, 2011- 157 lbs
July 12, 2011- 149 lbs ( 2 days before my birthday what a wonderful birthday present to myself)
August 9, 2011- 141 lbs (this would be the smallest I have ever been)

So looking at this schedule I should be at goal by this time next year.  I guess that's not so far off, I mean it is true the older you get the faster time flies by.  One year to lose 106 lbs thats not so impossible.  Good luck to me.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 packs of instant oatmeal
                 2 slices bacon
                 3 silverdollar pancakes with 1/4 cup syrup
                 water (8 oz)

Snack- 1 granola bar
            2 cups watermelon
            water (16 oz)

Dinner- 1 1/2 cups spaghetti noodles
            1 cup meat sauce
            1 slice garlic bread
            water (16 oz)

I ate alittle more for breakfast than I normally do because I got up late and I knew I wouldn't be eating lunch.  I also had a pretty big dinner but I love spaghetti and I don't feel like I overate.

I'm not sure yet if I'm going to exercise.  I know today is suppose to be my day off but I have weigh in Tuesday and an extra workout might help me.

Patience

Patience is something I lack  I like to plan things out.....know exactly what to expect....not have any surprises.....when I want something I want it right now.  Well with weight loss you can plan all you want but that doesn't mean you are going to get what you expect, doesn't mean there won't be any surprises and you definitely aren't going to get it right now.  Weight loss is a very slow process and we have to learn patience.  If only we could lose weight as fast as we put it on.  I know I've only been eating healthy and exercising now for almost 3 weeks but it already seems like an eternity.  When I look in the mirror I see the same fat face and body I've always seen.  I want to look for the good qualities but honestly I have never been able to see any.  Even when I weighed 142 lbs when I looked in the mirror I seen the sagging skin, the stretch marks and my chicken wings which is what I called the flabby skin hanging from under my arms.  I did feel more confident when I was dressed but when I undressed all I could see was the damage I had done to my body and it disgusted me.  I know I will never wear a bikini, I'll never be a size 2 and I'll never look like a Victoria Secret model.  It just seems like after all the work to lose the weight I should finally be able to love who I am and feel like I'm good enough.  I know this is something I definitely have to work on; my perception of myself.  I'm making so many positive changes in my life and I do not want my low self esteem and lack of confidence to hold me back.  I'm finally going to prove to myself and everyone else that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.  This year sort of feels like a rebirth for me, from starting school to losing weight.  I'm changing and growing and this is just the beginning.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 banana
                 1 cup skim milk

Lunch- veggie burger, no mayo, no cheese (Burger King)

Snack- cereal bar
            diet coke (12 oz)
            watermelon (2 cups)

Dinner- 3 oz rotisserie chicken
            2 cup grapes
            water (8 oz)

Snack- 1 1/2 cups fruity pebbles cereal
            1 cup skim milk
            1 banana

Today was kind of a weird eating day.  I ate but I wasn't really hungry.

I guess I have to exercise today because I didn't yesterday.  Why does exercising have to suck so much.  In case you can't tell I'm having one of those blah days.  I'm going to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill now maybe that will bring me out of it.

Before and After

I thought I would post a couple of pictures of the one time in my life I actually lost weight.  In the first picture I weighed 290 lbs and in the second picture I weighed 142 lbs.  It took me 16 months to lose that much weight and I did it using Weight Watchers.  This time I'm trying to lose weight on my own but I am still using concepts from Weight Watchers.  I'm not sure if I'm going to try to get down this small again I'm aiming for 160 lbs but we will see what happens.

I'm the one in the middle in case you didn't know.  The woman on my left is my mom, the woman on my right is my grandmother and the baby she is holding is my oldest son.

This is me 16 months later after I lost 148 lbs, the guy beside me is my brother.  As you can see being overweight runs in my family.  Looking at this picture I can't believe I let myself get this big again.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk
                 water (16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups watermelon

Lunch- 2 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese and mustard on
            2 slices whole wheat bread
            water (16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups grapes
            1 banana
            1 peppermint patty

Dinner- 3 oz rotisserie chicken
            1 cup green beans
            1/2 cup broccoli and cauliflower
            1/4 cup dressing
            1 ear corn
            water (16.9 oz)

I decided to keep track of my calories, fat and fiber today just to see what I'm eating in an average day.  Maybe someone can help me by letting me know how much I'm suppose to be eating.  My totals were 1585 calories, 23 grams of fat and 18 grams of fiber.  Just let me know if you think I need to reduce or add something. 

I'm not sure if I'm going to exercise today or not.  I really don't want to but I know I need to plus it would burn off some calories.  I guess I'll wait and see how I feel in alittle while.

One of those days

Well my day started off pretty good.  I had the house all clean and got the kids off to school and I didn't have school today so I was going to use this day to just relax.  The first thing that went bad was I had to go to the doctor for my yearly physical which is never fun.  First you have to go through all the steps of preparing, such as shaving your legs which as an overweight person isn't easy.  Then I get to the doctors office and the first thing they do is weigh you.  Of course by their scales I had only lost 4 lbs instead of 7 so that was depressing.  Then you go through all the doctors questions and your examine which I didn't mind as much as having to weigh.  My doctors pretty cool about my weight though because I told her how I was eating right and exercising and how I had started this blog which was very motivational to me.  I've been going to this doctor for a very long time and she knows all about my history of bulimia.  She was very proud of me for starting a weight loss program and also for going back to school.  We also talked about how well my depression  medicine was working and how my bulimia was gone so I'm definitely staying on my medicine.

After the doctor visit I stopped by the grocery store and bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables so I had healthy stuff in the house to eat.  I came home and layed around and got bored so I feel like I was doing alot of snacking. By the time dinnertime was here I don't even think I was hungry I just ate for the sake of eating.  That feeling of being to full and putting myself down for eating to much made me feel miserable and like I was just a big screwup.  I wasn't even going to exercise because of feeling so down but I managed to drag myself outside and walk thirty minutes with my husband.  Thank God I did because I do feel better now and on top of that I come back to so many nice comments on my blog which really cheered me up.  I guess my day wasn't that bad after all; I'll just have to make tomorrow a better day.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk

Snack- 1/2 banana
            2 cups watermelon
            water (16.9 oz)

Lunch- 2 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese, mayo and
           mustard on 2 slices whole wheat bread
          water (16.9 oz)

Snack- peppermint patty
           1 granola bar
           2 cups watermelon
           water (16.9 oz)

Dinner- 2 in x 2 in piece of meatloaf
            1 spoonful of jasmine rice
            1 spoonful of dressing
            1 cup green beans
            1 cup broccoli and cauliflower
            1 ear of corn
            water (16.9 oz)

I just ate dinner and I feel bad because I think I overate.  I hate this feeling, this is the same feeling I use to get when I was bulimic.  Of course I'm not going to do what I use to do to make this feeling go away but I do know now that I need to watch how much I eat at one time.  I got it into my head that because I was loading my plate up with veggies I could eat as much as I wanted of them, well I ate to much.  I guess you can have to much of a good thing. 

As much as I don't want to I am going to do my 30 minutes of walking here in alittle while.  Maybe I can talk my husband into walking around the neighborhood with me which makes the time go by alot faster than walking on the treadmill.

My support system

I haven't been blogging for very long and when I began I didn't know if anyone would ever even read my blog, but to my surprise quite a few people have.  It's very hard losing weight by yourself which most of you probably know.  Maybe some of you have a strong support system of people who encourage you and some of you don't, I am one who doesn't.  Of course my kids understand I want to lose weight and my husband says he supports me losing weight but I get no real encouragement from anyone.  I don't really have any friends because I have been a stay at home mom now for about 10 years.  I am going to school right now and I talk to a couple of girls in class but there will never be any true friendships there because they are so much younger than I am.  I just don't really have any kind of support system, but that is changing.  So many people have commented on my blog or are followers who read my blog and all these people are now my support system.  It's so nice to hear from people who are going through the same struggle I am and who offer advice and kind words.  I'm sure most of you have blogs of your own and I try to visit those I know of and make comments in return because we all need to know someone is cheering for us.  I just wanted to thank everyone who has become part of my support system.  You really are what keep me going.  Thank you.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 banana
                 1 cup skim milk
                 water (16.9 oz)

Lunch- 2 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese, mustard on 2 slices
            whole wheat bread
           2 cups grapes
           water (16.9 oz)

Snack- peppermint patty
            water (16.9 oz)

Dinner- 2 riblets
            1 cup brocolli
            1 ear of corn
            1 cup green beans
            1/4 cup macaroni and cheese
            1/4 cup yellow rice
            water (16.9 oz)

I ate very well today or at least I think so.  I had another extremely busy day, so busy that I forgot my photography club meeting I was suppose to be at which bummed me out.  Many more days like this and I should definitely lose weight, I'm not use to staying so busy.

I'm getting ready to exercise in a few minutes.  I'm going to walk around the neighborhood for 30 minutes with the kids.  Our neighborhood is nice and hilly which I love because I like feeling like I'm working off my booty and hips.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk
                 1 banana

Snack- 1/2 of a small order of hash browns
            water (20 oz)

Lunch- Veggie burger with no mayo (Burger King)
            water (20 oz)

Snack- 1 banana
            2 cups watermelon
            water (16.9 oz)

Dinner- 2 slices pepperoni pizza (Little Caesars)
            water (16.9 oz)

It doesn't look like I ate that much but I don't feel like I did to well.  It was such a hectic day and I really didn't have time to fix lunch or dinner so we depended on fast food.  I had to take my son to a hospital a couple hours away so I stopped and got my kids breakfast on the way well of course they didn't want all of their hashbrowns and so I ended up eating some of them because I hate wasting food, something I need to get over.  Then it took longer at the hospital then it should have so I stopped and got us lunch on the way home at Burger King, at least I had them leave the mayo off.  I still had errands to run and a house to clean and the kids start school tomorrow so I had to get all of their stuff ready and I had open house at one of my kids schools so I just picked up a pizza to make dinner easy.  I am proud of myself though because normally I can easily eat 5 or 6 pieces of pizza and I only ate 2.  So overall it wasn't a terrific day but I did manage to make good decisions in the face of eating poorly.

As for my exercise I really didn't have time to but I did squeeze in 20 minutes of walking only because I didn't exercise yesterday.

Weigh in- Week 2

Well I got up this morning expecting the worst on the scale and it wasn't as good as I hoped but at least I lost.  I'm down 1 pound since last week, I guess that's better than nothing and sometimes my weight loss is a week behind.  I'll just keep chugging along and making improvements each day to try to better the next week.  Today has been so busy I haven't gotten to sit down for more than a couple of minutes so this post is going to be very short.  I just want to thank everybody that has read my blog and responded with encouragement and advice.  You have no idea how much it means and it definitely helps me keep going knowing that I have people to be accountable to.  Good luck to all of you.  Hope you have a great week.

Reasons I want to lose weight

I found a weight loss album that I started 4 years ago and it had a list that I had wrote of the reasons why I wanted to lose weight and I thought I would post that list here.

1.   I will have more choices in the clothes I can wear and they will fit me better.
2.   I will feel better about myself.
3.   I will be healthier.
4.   I will be able to breath easier.
5.   I will have more energy.
6.   I will have more confidence and self esteem.
7.   I will be able to get around easier.
8.   I will be able to keep up with my kids.
9.   I will be able to shave my legs easier.
10. I will be able to have my picture taken without being embarassed.
11. My feet won't hurt as bad.
12. My back won't hurt as bad.

Those are the 12 things I listed 4 years ago, today I am adding the things below.

13. I will be able to cross my legs.
14. I won't be embarassed of my body.
15. I will enjoy sex more because I won't be focused on hiding what I don't want my husband to see.
16. I will set a positive example for my kids.
17. I won't be embarassed to see people in public I know.
18. I won't have to hear the doctor tell me for the thousandth time that I need to lose weight.
19. I won't have to feel embarassed for my husband when we are out in public together anymore.
20. I will live longer, be stronger, feel better and finally be able to love myself.

I have spent so much of my life focused on losing weight; energy and time I could have spent on doing something more important like spending more time with my family or helping others in need.  Losing weight really has been an obsession with me.  It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep.  I have cried so many times over my weight, just wishing I could be normal.  I have asked my husband a thousand times why couldn't I have been one of those skinny girls that never had to worry about what they ate.  I guess that just wasn't in the cards for me.  I could sit here and blame my parents for the way I eat but that's not going to change anything.  I made my own choices as an adult and now I have to correct those choices.  I have overcome so many things in my life but my weight has always been the one thing that has whipped me everytime, well not this time.  I'm getting to old to deal with this problem anymore.  It's consumed to much of my life and hurt me for to long.  I graduate college in about 20 months and when I walk across that stage I want to not only be proud about graduating but I want to proud about who I have become.  It's my time to shine.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
                 1 cup skim milk

Snack- 1 granola bar
            2 cups watermelon
            water (20 oz)

Lunch- 3 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese, mayo on 2 slices
            whole wheat bread
            water (20 oz)

Snack- 2 cups watermelon
            1 banana
            water ( 20 oz)

Dinner- 1 shake and bake lean pork chop
            water (20 oz)

Today has been a very hectic day and I think I ate pretty good, at least I got more water in.

I was suppose to exercise tonight but I guess I'm lazy.  I have a headache and I've been going on day and I did exercise yesterday which was suppose to be my day off so I'm taking today off.  I  hope it doesn't effect my weigh in tomorrow which I'm really nervous about.

Random list

Things I have changed since starting my new healthier lifestyle:

1.    I drink skim milk instead of regular milk.
2.    I gave up sodas and drink water instead.
3.    I eat brown rice instead of white rice.
4.    I use whole wheat pasta instead of regular pasta.
5.    I snack on fruits instead of junk food.
6.    I eat whole wheat bread instead of white bread.
7.    Everything I cook is baked, broiled or boiled instead of fried.
8.    I feel my plate up with mostly vegetables instead of carbs and meats.
9.    When I eat out I pick the healthiest thing on the menu.
10.  I watch my portion sizes.
11.  I walk 30 minutes, 5-6 times a week.
12.  I stop eating when I'm full.
13.  I've learned to say no.
14.  I don't put myself in situations where I won't be able to control my eating.
15.  I've learned there is no such thing as a perfect day.
16.  I forgive myself for mistakes and move on.
17.  I write down what I eat and when I exercise so I can see what I need to change.

Things I still need to change to be healthier:

1.  I need to eat less carbs and eat more vegetables, fruits and protein.
2.  I need to drink at least 96 oz of water a day.
3.  I need to stop eating after 6 PM.
4.  I need to start strength training.
5.  I need to learn patience, this process takes time.

As you can see I have made plenty of changes and each day gives me a chance to improve on the last.  I still have things I need to work on such as my carb addiction.  I've always been one to pile my plate full of things like macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes and its hard to give up those comfort foods.  I'm trying to learn to replace those carbs with vegetables I love.  Tonight for dinner I ate a whole plate of veggies but I still had some macaroni and cheese but only a spoon full and I saved it for last so by the time I got to it I was already full from all the vegetables.  Making little changes at a time are going to keep me from becoming overwhelmed with this process.  These are changes I have to sustain for a lifetime or I will gain the weight right back if I go back to my old way of eating.  I'm still working on getting all my water in, I don't know why its so hard it just seems like bedtime gets here and I realize I haven't drank enough.  I guess I need to plan to drink it at certain times throughout the day.   It's the same problem with not eating after 6 PM, sometimes the day just flies by and I don't even realize its so late then I have to eat.  As far as strength training my husband does strength training so I will eventually add that to my workout.  My last goal is patience which I have struggled with my whole life, that's going to be a hard one for me but I don't guess I have any choice since the weights only going to come off so fast.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk
                 water (8 oz)

Snack- 1 granola bar
            2 cups watermelon
            1 individual package of mini cookies
            water (20 oz)

Dinner- 1 shake bake lean pork chop
            1 boiled egg
            1/2 cup baked beans
            1/2 cup corn
            1 cup green beans
            1 cup broccoli
            1/4 cup macaroni and cheese
            water (20 oz)

I ate alot for dinner but I did skip lunch even though I snacked.  As you can see for dinner I tried to eat alot of vegetables and reduce how many carbs I ate. 

Even though today was suppose to be my day off of exercising I did go with my husband to a local trail and we walked about 30 minutes.

Changes I've noticed

Even though I have only been eating better and exercising for a week I already notice differences in myself.  First off I make better food choices and its really not that hard.  I do have cravings like a chocolate milkshake which I have been wanting for 2 days now but I refuse to give into that tempation its just not worth it.  Secondly I've noticed that exercising is becoming easier.  Now I still dread it but I make myself do it.  Another change I have noticed is its taking less food to make me feel full, I guess maybe my stomach has shrunk alitte.  Also I carry myself different which is a good thing because I have already had one back surgery so I need to get this extra weight off.  It just feels so good to be accomplishing something even if it is in small steps.  My next weigh in is Tuesday and I'm trying not to have a set number in my head so I'm not disappointed but I feel like I've done pretty good so far this last week and I should lose something.  It sure does take longer to lose it then it does to put it on.  I just try to focus on one day at a time I'll eventually get where I need to be.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups rice krispies
                 1 cup skim milk

Snack- strawberry cereal bar

Lunch- veggie burger
            small order fries
            water (16 oz)

Dinner- 3 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese, 3 slices tomato,
             mayo on 2 slices whole wheat bread
             water (20 oz)

Snack- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
            1 cup skim milk

Even though I ate some french fries today I was still proud of myself.  My husband and I went to the mountains and he wanted to stop and get something to eat so I ordered a veggie burger which wasn't that good and it came with fries.  I put down that I ate a small order of fries because they served them stacked on my plate but I only ate half of them and my husband ate the rest.  That's progress for me usually I'm a member of the clean plate club.

I was suppose to have gotten my exercise in at the mountains today but when we got there it was raining so I have to exercise later tonight.  I will be walking 30 minutes with my husband outside.

Update:  My husband didn't want to exercise and I didn't want to either but I forced myself to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes.

My moods and eating

It seems like no matter what mood I'm in I can find a reason to eat.  Earlier today someone made me a little mad and I was on my way to the store to get a few things and the first thing that popped into my head was what could I get to make myself feel better?  Then it hit me eating something bad for me wasn't going to make me feel better it would actually make me feel worse.  Why should I give the person who upset me the satisfaction of knowing that they had that kind of effect on me?  Why should I punish myself for their insensitivity?  And that's exactly what it would have been was punishment.  At first it may have felt good but after I consumed a bag of candy or a gallon of ice cream who would be left to feel the pain, not the person who upset me, I would.  Now I will admit as you can see by my food journal that I did get me a peppermint patty but only one and I know from being in weight watchers that its only 3 points so that's not that bad.  It feels good to be able to step back from my feelings and look at why I'm wanting to binge and being able to say NO to myself.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 packs of instant oatmeal

Lunch- veggie burger from Burger King
            Diet Dr Pepper (20 oz)

Snack- peppermint patty

Dinner- spaghetti noodles with sauce and turkery sausage
             water (20 oz)

Snack- 2 cups frosted flakes
            water (40 oz)

It doesn't look like I ate much today I guess because I didn't snack much.  I'm still going to try to fit all my water in before bedtime but that's alot of water to drink.  I did just have my dinner at 7 because I have been so busy today I just didn't get a chance to eat earlier.  I'm going to have to get on track with my goals to not eat after 6 and to get all my water in everyday.

I am going to exercise in awhile with my husband by walking outside for 30 minutes.  I have to tonight since I got lazy last night.

It was a long day!!!!!

I don't know about any of the rest of you trying to lose weight but there are so many things that can throw me off. I try to be very organized and set a routine so I know how each day is going to go. The night before I make out my to do list for the next day so that I can schedule my day. I like having things just so, most people who know me say that I'm obsessive compulsive and I agree with them but I don't see that as a bad thing. I have had to overcome some of my obsessiveness such as having to have a perfect eating day. I use to believe that if I ate one thing that was not on my good food list then the whole day was blown. This led to many days of my life just being thrown out the window as far as weight loss was concerned. Now I just try to do my best everyday and I allow myself to have foods that I use to consider a bad food such as chocolate or pizza but I have to control the portion size and make sure that I plan the rest of my day around that food so that I don't overeat. Today was an especially hard day for me. I took two sleeping pills last night and for some reason they hit me pretty hard. Well this morning I was so tired and I've been that way all day. I did manage to get up and clean the house and fix dinner but that was about all. When I lay around and don't stay super busy then my mind starts thinking about food. I was hungry all day long but I still tried to eat healthy. I just don't like having days like this because I'm afraid its going to trigger a series of days like this and I'm going to lose all sense of control over my eating. I guess we will see what happens tomorrow, I'm going to get a goodnights sleep and I have school in the morning so that should help make my day go by faster. I did decide not to exercise tonight because I am so tired and part of me is disappointed in myself for not doing it. Hopefully I will be back to my old energetic self tomorrow.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 packs of instant oatmeal
                 1/2 cup skim mik

Snack- 2 cups cantaloupe

Lunch- banana and mayo on 2 slices whole wheat bread

Snack- tomato and cucumber salad with 1 tbsp ranch dressing

Dinner- 2 cups chili
            1 tbsp sour cream
            2 tbsp cheddar cheese
            water (16.9)

Snack- 2 cups cantaloupe

Today was a very hard day for me for some reason.  I just felt hungry all day and wanted to eat everything in sight but I think I did pretty good.  I didn't get all my water in today because I run out of bottle water and my tap water has sulfur in it so I don't drink it but I won't eat after six so I hit one of my goals today.

I will be exercising in alittle while by doing my 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Update:  I didn't exercise because I was so tired, shame on me.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk

Snack- 2 cups cantaloupe
            Diet Dr Pepper (20 oz)

Lunch- turkey, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, ranch on a
            whole wheat wrap
            baked potato with butter and sour cream
            water (8 oz)

Snack- 2 cups cantaloupe
            water (16.9 oz)

I'm skipping dinner tonight just because of what I ate for lunch.  I know I shouldn't but I can eat a snack between now and bedtime if I get hungry.

After today I'm going to try to drink 6 bottles of water a day and not eat after 6 P.M. I'm trying to make small changes along the way so that they become a way of life.

I haven't exercised yet today but I will do my normal 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Saying NO

Saying NO has to be one of the hardest things you have to do when losing weight.  My kids and my mom wanted to go out to eat today after we went shopping for school supplies well my son suggested going to an all you can eat buffet restaurant, I had to immediately say NO because I knew I would lose all control if I went.  Well we decided to go to Bob Evans instead, I figured I could find something healthy to eat there.  I ended up getting a turkey, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato and ranch on a whole wheat wrap and a baked potato which wasn't the healthiest thing but it was alot better than inhaling 5 lbs of food at the all you can eat restaurant.  Well my kids just had to have dessert so I sat there and suffered through watching them eat ice cream sundaes and peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream but it felt really good to have enough self control not to eat any.  So many times we are faced with saying NO and sometimes we fail but today was a success for me.  Another example was Sunday when my mom, dad and my kids went to a family reunion and of course when they brought my kids home my mom had the cake she had fixed and she said here you can have it and I said NO I don't want that here but the kids wanted it so here it stayed.  I will say I did take one bite but it was so sweet that was all I could eat.  Well the next day my mom sends home a small bowl of banana pudding with my kids and I will admit I took a couple of bites of that because I love banana pudding.  Sometimes you can't avoid temptation and you just have to face it straight on.  I hope I can continue to have this much self control and having this blog has really helped me alot.  I'm learning to stand up for what I want and not worry about hurting someone elses feelings because this is my journey and I have to do whats best for me.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
                 1 cup skim milk
                 1 diet sundrop(20 oz)

Lunch- 2 slices turkey, 1 slice cheese, mayo, 2 slices whole wheat
           bread
           water(16.9 oz)

Dinner- 1 slice salisbury steak
             1/2 cup mashed potatoes
             1/2 cup dressing
             1/4 cup brown gravy
             1/2 cup macaroni and cheese
             1/2 cup corn
             1/2 cup green beans
             water(16.9 oz)

I ate alot for dinner tonight or at least it looks like I did but I didn't feel stuffed after I ate.  I have learned to reduce my portions so I can have anything I want, I just have to get alittle of each thing.  I also was very busy today and didn't really get to snack any so that's why I ate so much for dinner.

I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill today.

Weigh in- Week 1

Today has been a week since I started this blog and began my weight loss journey.  I am very proud to say that I have dropped 6 lbs this first week.  My weight this morning was 241 lbs so that means I have 36 lbs to get back to where I was before I put on this extra weight and 81 lbs to get to my goal.  This blog is really helping it gives me a place to put down my thoughts and feelings and it keeps me accountable knowing I have to list what I eat and what exercise I have done.  I'm just trying to take this a day at a time because if I think about the long term its just to overwhelming.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 1 cup frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk
                 1 banana
                 water(16.9 oz)

Snack- peppermint patty....yummy finally some chocolate
            water(16.9 oz)

Lunch- 2 slices chicken breast, 1 slice cheese, mayo and 3 slices
            tomato on 2 slices whole wheat bread
            water(16.9 oz)

Dinner- 1 cup cinnamon toast crunch cereal
             1 cup skim milk
             water(16.9 oz)

Well I finally got my whole wheat bread today so that was good and I decreased my breakfast cereal from 2 cups to 1 cup.  I think overall I did very well today.  I do need to lay off the carbs though.  I had a small bowl of cereal for dinner just because I didn't want alot to eat because I have to weigh in the morning, it's already been a week since I started this blog.

I exercised tonight I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill.

First day of school

Well I went to my first day of class today and it wasn't bad as I thought it was going to be.  Of course I got there alittle early so I wouldn't have to walk across the classroom in front of everyone.  When I walked in there we're just two young skinny girls sitting in there and I found me a seat and waited to see who would show up for class.  I hoped someone my age would walk in but as the class members began filing in it was one young person after another.  Class began and the first thing the teacher did was have each one of us tell about ourselves and turns out I was the oldest person in the class.  We went through our class and at first I felt like such an outsider not only because of my age but because of my weight to but the more I sat there and listened the more I realized I was probably the only person in the class that really knew why they we're there.  I guess age is a good thing sometimes.  At the end of the class the teacher did a sorting exercise with us where he asked questions and seperated us based on our answers, such as where we lived or if we had pets, things like that.  Well it turns out not only am I the oldest but I'm also the only married person and the only person to have kids in this class.  I guess that makes me special.  By the end of the class I wasn't focused on my weight anymore, it hit me I wasn't there for anyone's approval I am there to get a photography degree and have fun doing it.

37 and going back to school

I decided it was time for me to go back to school so last semester I took 2 classes online which I really loved because I could do them at my own pace.  Tomorrow is my first day actually attending school in over 7 years.  I'm really excited though because I'm taking something I love photography, but I'm nervous to.  Wondering if I will be the only fat girl in class, will I make any friends, will I fit in?  I sound like a teenager all over again.  I guess you never really get out of wanting other peoples approval and wanting people to like you.  I know that I'm losing weight right now and I'm eating right and exercising but all they will see is a fat girl walking in the room tomorrow.  I hate having to worry about how I appear to other people.  My husband tells me all the time that I don't look like what I think I do in my head.  I guess I have that body dismorphic disease.  I'm all the time asking whoever I am with, my husband, my kids, my mom, am I as big as her?  All I see are the rolls and the bulges and the cellulite.  I just want to look normal.  I know I will never look like a supermodel no matter how much weight I lose but to just feel like you fit in and don't stand out in a crowd would be nice.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 1 1/2 cups oatmeal with brown sugar and butter
                 water(16.9 oz)

Lunch- 2 slices of chicken breast, 1 slice cheese, 3 slices tomato
            and mayo on 2 slices white bread
            water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups cantaloupe
            water(16.9 oz)

Dinner- 2 riblets
             1 cup wild and brown rice
             1/2 cup green beans
             1/2 cup corn
             1/2 cup baked beans
             1 deviled egg
             water(16.9 oz)

I didn't exercise today because I've decided Sunday's will be my day off.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
                 1 cup skim milk
                 1 slice bacon

Snack- 2 cups watermelon
            water(16.9 oz)

Dinner- 1 sloppy joe sandwich on 1 piece of white bread with 1 slice cheese and
             1/4 cup slaw
             1 ear corn
             water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups grapes
            water(16.9 oz)

I think my eating was ok today besides the obvious that I need to cut out the white bread and start eating smaller bowls of cereal and I also need to start drinking more water.

I did exercise today I did 30 minutes on the treadmill.

My Eating Disorder

I mentioned in a previous post that I developed an eating disorder many years ago, well I thought I would explain how that happened.  Few people in my life know of the struggle I have had to endure to overcome my eating disorder. I was a late bloomer by most statistics, usually eating disorders begin in the teenage years but I was in my late twenties when mine began. It started one day when I had overeaten a little and the thought came to my mind if I got rid of the food then it would be like I had never eaten it, so I did. That one day changed the rest of my life because that's when I became bulimic. It was just suppose to be a one time thing but that one time led to another and another until I was doing it 5 to 6 times a day. At this point I would binge knowing I could get rid of the food so I had permission to eat whatever I liked and still lose weight. I would eat a gallon of ice cream or a hole package of cookies, or maybe a dozen donuts, as you can see I have a big craving for sweets but it didn't stop there. I would binge on fast food or just whatever happened to be in the house at the time. Guilt became a big thing in my life, I felt guilty for eating, I felt guilty for being bulimic, I felt guilty for not losing enough weight and I felt guilty for losing to much weight because I knew how I was losing it. Eventually my bulimia got so bad that I could eat just a banana and feel guilty. I suffered with this disease for over 10 years and honestly still battle it everyday. I have finally found a medicine prescribed by my doctor that has curbed the desire to binge and purge which is called cymbalta. It was prescribed for depression but luckily this was a side effect of this drug, at least for me. I have been bulimia free now for about 5 months which doesn't seem like long but to not have this disease ruling every second of my life I will take everyday I can.

Food and Exercise Journal

Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                 1 cup skim milk

Snack- 2 cups watermelon

Lunch- 2 slices turkey and 1 slice of cheese with alittle mayo on
            2 slices of white bread
            1 cup grapes
             water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 1 slice cantaloupe

Dinner- 1 cup steamed broccoli
             1 ear of corn
             1 cucumber
             1 cup wild and brown rice
             water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups watermelon
            water(16.9 oz)
I think I've done pretty good today.   I was very proud of myself earlier.  My husband got off work early and he decided to go by Wendy's and get all of us lunch well when he got home I said you know I'm on a diet and I can't lose weight eating burgers and fries so I fixed myself a sandwich and some grapes.  I'm trying really hard to incorporate more veggies and fruits and stay away from fried stuff.  I've also given up soda and I drink nothing but water and skim milk.

I haven't exercised today yet because I'm waiting for it to cool off here but I'm going to in alittle while.  I will be doing 30 minutes of walking outside.

Update:  I ended up walking on the treadmill and I did 45 minutes....I can feel the fat melting away.

Staying Motivated

One of the hardiest things is staying motivated, especially when you don't see the weight coming off. So many times I have heard its more than what you see on the scale and this is true, but it sure is nice to see those numbers go down. I'm trying to approach this weight loss journey with a different point of view. Forget the scales, just focus on how I feel about myself, how my clothes fit and whether other people notice a difference in me. I'm still going to weigh but only once a week so I don't let the scale rule me. My biggest tool in staying motivated is this website, it gives me a sense of having to answer to someone which I like doing. I don't want to disappoint myself or the people who will read this blog. Having a sense of accountability makes you more motivated, you want to be the one that succeeds. I've changed alot in the last year and I'm trying to take on a more positive approach to live and you know what it's working. I really believe I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I have recently enrolled in college and I just finished my first semester and I discovered I like school and I like learning so maybe I can take that same concept into losing weight. There are so many weight loss blogs out there and people just like me trying to lose weight and take their live back and I can learn from these people and maybe just maybe I can help someone along the way.

Food and Exercise Journal

Since I wasn't here yesterday I'm going to post it today.  I ended up not exercising yesterday but I did eat pretty good.

8-11-10
Breakfast- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
                   1 cup skim milk
                   1 banana

Snack- 1 banana

Dinner- small cup of chili from Wendy's
              Grilled chicken wrap from Wendy's
              water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal
             1 cup skim milk
             water(16.9 oz)

The only problem I see with what I ate yesterday was that I need to lay off the cereal.   I have gotten into this cereal kick lately and I think thats what is putting the weight on.

8-12-10
Breakfast- 2 cups frosted flakes
                  1 cup skim milk

Lunch- banana sandwich with alittle mayo on 2 slices white bread
             water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 1 cup rice krispies
             1/2 cup skim milk
             water(16.9 oz)

Dinner- small bowl of beef stroganoff
              water(16.9 oz)

Snack- 2 cups grapes
            2 cups watermelon


Again you can see I ate another bowl of cereal for a snack so I went to the grocery store today and stocked up on fruits and vegetables to snack on.  I'm also very proud to announce that I finally exercised tonight.  I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and it felt great.

          

Before Pictures: 247 lbs

Here are the before pictures I have been promising, they we're just taken today.

Food and Exercise Journal

I think I ate pretty good today but I chose to wait one more day to exercise because I'm still not feeling 100% because of the strep throat.  This has to be the first time in my life that I have truly wanted to exercise and can't because of being sick.  Now for what I ate and if you have any suggestions please I will take all advice.

Breakfast- 1 and 1/2 cups cinnamon toast crunch cereal with 1 cup skim milk

Snack- banana

Lunch- 2 slices turkey and 1 slice of cheese with very little mayo on 2 slices white
            bread
            cucumber
            bottle of water

Snack- a handful grapes

Dinner- a small bowl of cheeseburger hamburger helper with shredded cheese
             and sour cream
             bottle of water

Now I know there are changes I need to make like mustard instead of mayo, wheat bread instead of white, and I could have either used lighter versions of cheese and sour cream on my dinner or left it off all together.  Eventually I will incorporate some of these changes but I want to learn to eat as normal as possible and just  make the choice of portion control.  This way I don't feel like I'm having to starve myself or eat nasty food just to lose weight.

The truth about my blog

I have to admit the title of my blog isn't completely true I was at one time and only one time in my life one of the skinny girls.  It was probably about a year after my first child was born and I was around 24 years old.  I had put on alot of weight and I got to a point where I knew it was time to do something about it so I went by myself and joined Weight Watchers.  I weighed in that night and when I found out what I weighed I was completely shocked.  I was 290 lbs, the most I had ever weighed in my life.  The Weight Watchers program came very easy to me and the weight pretty much dropped off every week.  Over the next 16 months I managed to lose 148 lbs which left me at the smallest I had ever been 142 lbs.  It was weird I finally got to my goal weight and instead of compliments I got comments like you are looking anorexic, don't you think you have lost enough weight?  But I guess they had the right to be worried because this dramatic weight loss had led me on a path that I never thought I would go, I ended up with a eating disorder, which I will talk about at another time.  No matter though because I didn't stay at this weight for very long anyways. 

Within a year I was up to about 170 lbs and then I found out I was pregnant with twins which everybody knows what that means, I got to eat for three.  Well by the time I gave birth to my twins I was well into the 260's.  From this point on my weight went up and down depending on which diet I was trying at the time.  This brings me to the present and the promise of posting my weight.  I had to go to the doctor yesterday because of being sick and of course the first thing you have to go through is the dreaded weigh in.......drumroll please.......the number which I already knew because I weigh everyday at home was 247 lbs.  Now I  know most people are going to think well if Weight Watchers worked so well for you why don't you just go back.  The answer to this is I have time and time again and either I just don't stay on track or maybe just getting older and my metabolism slowing down I just don't lose the weight like I use to.  So my journey begins on here, to document what I eat, when I exercise, what I lose and to make new friends that are having the same struggles I am.  I know I promised pictures today but I just haven't gotten around to taking any yet plus like most overweight people I absolutely hate having my picture taken, odd considering I'm in college right now taking photography but hey I love taking pictures of other people.  I promise though very soon I will get a picture on here because I want to be able to look back and see what I have accomplished six months, a year or even two years from now.

Still Kicking

Well I made it through the weekend and I have a doctors appointment later today.  I'm hoping to get back on track with my weight loss goal tomorrow when I feel alittle better.  If all goes right then tomorrow I plan on walking 30 minutes, eating right, taking some pictures for this site and posting my weight for the first time.  That's a really scary thought to post my weight for the whole world to see but I'm hoping by doing this it gives me the motivation to really lose the weight.  Well I'm going back to bed to get some more rest so hopefully I'm better by tomorrow, I don't want to waste one more day that I could be using to lose weight.

To sick to worry about weight loss right now

I've been in bed all day in pain, popping ibuprofen like candy.  I did try to at least eat right and I think I did pretty good.  Until I start feeling better I'm going to put this blog on hold which I hate to do after the post about I'll start tomorrow but I just feel so bad.  I'll still try to eat right but exercise will have to wait for a few days at least.  As soon as I'm feeling better I'll be back.

Great day to get sick

I started feeling bad last night but I thought it was just allergies or something but now I know different.  I have strep throat, what wonderful timing.  It always seems like something is trying to stand in my way of weight loss but not this time.  So far today I've eaten right and I'm not sure if I will exercise today it depends on how I feel but at least I went ahead and exercised last night. 

I'll start tomorrow

The famous line of everyone trying to lose weight, "I'll start tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes. I've said that to myself thousands of times and here I am 37 years old and still fat.  If your anything like me Monday is always the perfect day to start and then Monday comes and you screw up, either you eat something you weren't suppose to or you don't exercise so then you just decide to go ahead and blow the whole day by eating whatever you want because you can always start again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and here I am 25 years later still starting tomorrow but not this time, today is the day.  I'm sick of wasting my life wishing I was skinny or daydreaming about what it would be like to be thinnier.  I'm tired of hating what I see when I look in the mirror, I'm tired of wondering what everyone is thinking or saying about me, and I'm tired of thinking that there is no way my husband can love someone who looks like me.  I'm fed up with setting a bad example for my kids and not fitting into any of my clothes.  I'm just over being fat, its time for me to be who I know I can really be.  It's time for me to be the skinny girl!!!!

Update on this post:  Today was suppose to be the day I began my new life but I decided to go ahead and start last night and I walked 30 minutes with my husband.  No more procrastinating for me.  I will be weighing this morning before I eat and posting my weight and pictures so that I can start tracking my weight loss today.