Saturday, August 14, 2010

My Eating Disorder

I mentioned in a previous post that I developed an eating disorder many years ago, well I thought I would explain how that happened.  Few people in my life know of the struggle I have had to endure to overcome my eating disorder. I was a late bloomer by most statistics, usually eating disorders begin in the teenage years but I was in my late twenties when mine began. It started one day when I had overeaten a little and the thought came to my mind if I got rid of the food then it would be like I had never eaten it, so I did. That one day changed the rest of my life because that's when I became bulimic. It was just suppose to be a one time thing but that one time led to another and another until I was doing it 5 to 6 times a day. At this point I would binge knowing I could get rid of the food so I had permission to eat whatever I liked and still lose weight. I would eat a gallon of ice cream or a hole package of cookies, or maybe a dozen donuts, as you can see I have a big craving for sweets but it didn't stop there. I would binge on fast food or just whatever happened to be in the house at the time. Guilt became a big thing in my life, I felt guilty for eating, I felt guilty for being bulimic, I felt guilty for not losing enough weight and I felt guilty for losing to much weight because I knew how I was losing it. Eventually my bulimia got so bad that I could eat just a banana and feel guilty. I suffered with this disease for over 10 years and honestly still battle it everyday. I have finally found a medicine prescribed by my doctor that has curbed the desire to binge and purge which is called cymbalta. It was prescribed for depression but luckily this was a side effect of this drug, at least for me. I have been bulimia free now for about 5 months which doesn't seem like long but to not have this disease ruling every second of my life I will take everyday I can.

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