Friday, October 15, 2010

Are you self conscious?

I was walking earlier and for some reason there were alot of cars coming in and out of my neighborhood.  In my head I was wondering what those people were thinking about seeing me walking.  Were there thoughts positive or negative?  Were they saying look at that fat woman trying to lose weight and laughing at me or were they thinking good for her she's trying to get into shape? 

Do you worry about what other people think?  Are you self conscious when you are working out?  Do you worry when you are eating in public what people must be thinking?  Are there things you just don't do because of being embarassed of what others think?

I know I'm losing weight and I'm going to continue to lose weight but I still think alot about what people are seeing when they look at me.  When I'm walking to and from class I wonder if people see me as just another student or are they laughing at the fat lady trying to fit in?  When I go into a store and I go to checkout I analyze what I'm buying and how someone might judge me because of it.  When I'm walking do people who pass by see me as someone working out to get in shape or are they laughing at me?

There are certain stores that I just don't go into because I don't feel like I belong there....Victoria Secrets for one.  Or maybe I'm looking at clothes in a store and I wonder into the smaller sizes and in my mind other women are thinking to themselves......."you wish you could fit into these sizes fatty".  I'm careful what I order when I go to a restaurant because I'm sure the server is already thinking......."eating like this is what got you that fat".

I'm just ready to stop having these negative thoughts.  I want to feel like an average person who just fits in.  I know being overweight shouldn't define who we are but when everytime you turn around some skinny stick figure is telling you that a size 10 is a plus size then what are you suppose to think when you wear a 16-18?  How do you deal with these negative feelings and thoughts?  Are you happy in your skin right now and if you are how did you get to that point?


  1. I am not happy in my skin at all. I too do not shop at places like Victoria Secrets, but I would love to. I am working on it though. Good post..

  2. I had some of these this week and the major positive message I kept telling myself was "sure I'm fat but I am a winner". I will get to my goals with a healthy mind and body. It's also important to remember there are a lot of healthy overweight people out there and there are a lot of unhealthy skinny people - does that make sense to you, does to me...

  3. Honestly I am happy in my skin most of the time. That doesn't mean I'm happy with how I look or want to change it. There are times I'm self conscious. There are days I feel like people are staring. But, mostly I'm a happy and confident person. I don't care if they are laughing at me. Screw them. And frankly, I don't have time to worry about them. There are times I think about what's in my cart at the store. But, usually I'm proud cause I don't buy crap. If I'm lucky enough to eat out like grownups do, I'm not worried about skinny waitress. But, it took me a long time to get here. A lot of it comes from feeling successful in other parts of my life and knowing I am NOT my weight. I am ME. The other thing I know as a dr is that every person feels like this about something. There is no "normal". The only normal is getting comfortable with yourself. Being happy with you. Then, the rest falls into place.

  4. Love dr fat to fit's comment. Ditto here i feel good about myself comfortable in my skin but i do want to lose all this extra poundage. For me it comes from loving and respecting the essence of who i am, knowing i have wonderful attributes and qualities and that i am a powerful Chil of God who just lost my center due to a traumatic event and put on a lot of weight. I recommend 2 books for you: what you think of me is none of my business by terry cole whittaker and the ultimate secrets of total self confidence by robert anthony. This takes work from all of us. K.

  5. We're ALL self-conscious, Christina! Honestly, when I see a bigger person jogging, gyming or fitting sexy clothes, there is just one thought in my mind: GOOD FOR YOU! YOU'RE LOVING YOURSELF!

    And to me, that is the essence of healthy living. Loving yourself enough to give yourself the BEST.

    I guess that's why I don't care what other people think of me. As long as what I do is an act of healthy loving and self-care, I'm good!

    Good luck for the coming week!

  6. I am very self-conscious! but its just one stepping stone I need to overcome!! This was a great post!!

  7. I have these same thoughts!! and it honestly keeps me from walking more often than not! :-( Thank you so much for sharing and letting me know I'm not alone. Keep up the good work!!!

  8. I really try not to be self conscious ... but sometimes I can't help it. Once I thought I saw someone take a photo of me eating in a restaurant, I was eating a salad... and another time, I was substitute teaching and some students left behind an absolutely horrible cartoon of me, it was heartbreaking. On the whole I try to think that the people at the gym are encouraging, but, who knows.

    I'm a new follower, I'm really enjoying your blog so far :)

  9. Wow, it's like you're in my head scanning my brain with this post! The local gym isn't an option for me, so I know I should be getting my ass out there and walking the neighborhood, but I always talk myself out of doing it because of what I think others will think. Quite frankly, they're probably not even noticing me, and if they are, they more than likely don't care. Yet, I still don't go walking :(

    I haven't gone out to eat with Mike in at least 6 months, simply because I'm way too self-conscious about what people think of what I'm eating...

    Great post!

  10. Thank you Debbie, keep up the great work and we will be shopping in Victoria Secrets before ya know it.

    Mind over Fatter that makes perfect sense.

    Thank you Dr. Fat to Fit thats exactly the attitude I need to adopt. I may not be where I want to be right now but I know I'm going to get there and worrying about what others are thinking is only putting negative thoughts in my head I don't need.

    K I will have to try to find those books I love self help books.

    Great way of thinking about it Pippa. I'm showing myself healthy love and self care.

    Thank you Trisha it really helps to hear all these comments and know I'm not the only one feeling this way and that others have found ways to overcome it.

    Thank you Aubrey and I'm sorry to hear that it keeps you from walking. Just know that you are not alone. This is how I think about it when I'm walking and maybe this will help you....they may see me fat right now but give me a few months they will be saying wow look at her, is that the same person we've seen walking before?

    Hi Stephanie and thank you for following my blog. I also became a follower of your blog to. I'm sorry that you had to go through those situations and I can relate. When I'm walking I always wait for someone to yell some cruel name out at me but luckily I have my music on so even if they did I won't be able to hear it.

    Kalena sorry to hear that you don't feel comfortable walking or going out to eat. I completely understand but I'm sure you will find a way to work through it. Just know that even if people are looking at you, you still know what you are trying to accomplish and you can't let anyone or anything in this world stand in your way of that. Most of us put ourselves on the backburner all the time to take care of our families and responsiblities and its time we start taking care of ourselves to.

  11. I have an opinion that the reality is, every person you think is judging you, they have something they think people are judging them for too. The fact that what you feel you are being judged for is on the outside is the only difference between the two of you.

    I have to admit, I am probably the person you could label as overconfident, so typically, no I don't care that other people may be judging me. In fact, looking back that may be one of the reasons I didn't get to this journey faster. The reality is, the only people I give one rip about what they think of me is my family and friends. I don't know you, I don't give an eff what you think of me. I am not here to please you. ( the metaphorical "you", not your specifically... haha)

  12. I used to think the way you did ironically that was when i was slimmer(around 140). Like i didnt want to join a gym because i thought i had to be fit to get fit (crazy but i was young)Since I started my journey, those things dont bother me as much anymore because I know I am getting fit for me I am too focused on if i will lose any weight during the week to have time to think about what others are think.

  13. Yes. I have been very self conscious. When I lost a significant amount of weight and my 1X shirts were way too baggy it took me about a month to be able to go into Banana Republic and The Limited to look for things in my size. I didn't feel like I belonged there. Now though I am over that and freely walk into any store. Time and success takes care of those feelings. Although I still do the analytical thing at the grocery story. I size the checker up on what she is thinking about what I am buying. Weird. I am glad to know I am not alone in this.

  14. I had some of these same thoughts last night! I get a lot of comments at work about what I eat, but it's all positive. I'm not self conscious about my eating at all, even in public. I signed up for a gym for the first time yesterday, and the only people in there when I registered were extremely fit. I was a little discouraged, and wondering if they were thinking I didn't belong there. I got over it quickly though, and I did my thing. I even kept pace with a much smaller woman on the elliptical! It's hard not to doubt yourself, but we have to learn to tune those negative thoughts out!

  15. Unfortunately, I am so self-conscious that it has kept me from participating in life. I cannot go anywhere without worrying about out others are thinking of me. I'm 366 lbs at 5'3". I ALWAYS think that people look at me and are disgusted. I know that I shouldn't care how others are perceiving me, but I do and don't know how to stop. So I avoid going to public places except to the occasional movie or restaurant. I know I am in a trap of my own making. I would like to break through this one day, but not sure how. Perhaps as a start, I will look up those books that K suggested. Great post, you are not alone.

  16. Tammy I'm so sorry that you feel so self conscious and that you can't really enjoy life. I pray that you are successful at your weight loss because life is to short. I am here if you ever need to talk and know that I'm rooting for you.

  17. Shane G you are probably absolutely right everyone has something that they are self conscious about whether its their weight or something else physical.

    Solidice great way to think about it, I try to keep it in my head that they may judging me right now but give me 6 more months and they won't be, that helps some.

    Kimberly being overweight does alot of damage to us mentally so I'm sure it will take me a while to deal with those feelings to.

    Mrs. D great job on joining a gym and tuning out those negative thoughts so you could do what you needed to do.

  18. I think Shane is right too. Most of us do have something we're self-conscious about. Not wanting to go into Victoria's Secret is one thing -- I mean, I know I'm not going to fit into anything in there, other than body spray, so why bother. But letting it interfere with life is quite another. Our size does not rob us of the right to live a full life! It might hinder us from participating in some physical activities, but most of us have the ability to remedy that.

  19. Charlotte you are right we do have the right to live a full life it just takes us building up our confidence to do that.