When I first met my husband I was about 160 lbs and he probably weighed just alittle bit more than that. Well as everyone knows once you get settled in a relationship you start putting on weight. I gained over 80 lbs since we have been together. Now my husband says it doesn't bother him but it bothers me. It effects every aspect of our life. Where we go, what we do and even our sex life. Its hard to be completely comfortable with someone when you aren't even comfortable with yourself. I feel embarassed for my husband when we are out together because I believe people are looking at us and saying what is he doing with her? And I also feel that even though my husband says my weight doesn't matter to him he has to be embarassed of me on some level. Do any of you have these same feelings and thoughts?This brings me to the point of this post. Over the last year or so my husband has put on quite a few pounds. He use to weigh around 170 or alittle higher but now he weighs 205 lbs. We were talking earlier and I told him I couldn't wait until I can officially say that I weigh less than him. I still have about 23 lbs or so before I can say that but at least I'm getting closer each day. I look forward to standing beside my husband and feeling like we look like a normal couple. I want to feel like my husband is proud to have me as his wife. I'm just sick of being ashamed and embarassed, for myself, my husband and my kids.
I have so much hope for my future now. I'm going to be healthy and strong and I'm going to gain confidence and self esteem that I haven't had for a very long time. I'm learning to believe in myself and live life instead of hiding from it. There is not a food in this world that is worth losing what I'm gaining right now.
I completely get the same feelings as you! I weigh WAY more than my husband (who only weighs 158lbs) and he says the same speech. It doesnt bother him, but its a horrible feeling. I hate not feeling like I am good enough to be with him visually. I know that we are best friends and I can tell him anything, but the one thing he still doesnt understand is how uncomfortable it is for me ... which isnt his fault at all!! I just gotta drop the baggage! I love this post! It makes me feel good to know I am not the only person who feels this way!!
ReplyDeleteI wrote about something very similar to your feelings a while back:
ReplyDeletehttp://polarspage.blogspot.com/2010/09/when-being-fat-squeezes-beef-out-of.html
Let me know what you think-if you think that you and I think alike... ;-)
Polar's Mom
www.polarspage.blogspot.com
Trisha I'm glad you like the post. It is really hard being with someone who you don't feel like you are good enough for.
ReplyDeletePolar's Mom that pretty much sums it up for me. Our sex life use to rock until I gained all this weight and I think right now I could pretty much go the rest of my life without it but I don't want to be like that and it does cause issues in the marriage. When you don't feel sexy then you don't feel like you can be sexy to anyone else. I guess we will just have to eat our veggies....the things we do for our men....lol
Great post, hope is a wonderful thing and an anchor for us all to use...and as others are writing we have to be able to more comfortable in our skin the way we are, overweight, losing weight and at our goal!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same. My boyfriend says he loves me at any weight and would love me and my body at an even higher weight if that is what happened, but I have always been overweight since I have known him. I just keep thinking how exciting it is going to be to be with him when I am at my happy weight. I'm always nervous around his friends and family because I feel like they think he can do better.
ReplyDeleteLove that last line. Will borrow it from you. Thanks 4 sharing. K.
ReplyDeletewww.it-is-time.com
I completely understand your feelings! I weigh about 35 lbs more then my Dh and it drives me NUTS! It so effects our marriage in many of the ways you mentioned, sex being the biggest one for me! I am working really hard to make those positive changes for us! Keep on going! You CAN do it!
ReplyDeleteHubs loves me the way I am.
ReplyDeleteWhen we first met he was about 186 and I was 218 then.
He's now around 170 and I have gotten down to 246 with still a lot to go.
But I do understand that. And i won't have sex with the lights on. Haven't done so in ages because I don't feel sexy like this and I mean there are certain positions that are just NEVER an option.
Oh and I was up to 295 earlier this year (hence the getting down to 246 - sorry guess i should have explained that)
ReplyDeleteI deal with this with Kathy. She gets it in her head that since I am losing weight and getting an education and yada yada, that I won't want her. Ladies, listen close. We really do love you, and it really doesn't matter what you look like, as long as you love us too A woman is not only about her looks. Ya'll can make things so wonderful with your smile, you all have ways of soothing away the hurt, the pain and the frustrations of the day. You are sexy as hell when you are just doing simple stuff like cooking a meal, or cleaning the house and you all can make things pretty so easily! Your innate womaness, is what makes us love you, not your waist size.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this too (feeling ashamed over my family having such a huge wife and Mom). My husband needs to lose weight too, but I can't wait to reach HIS weight. We'll get there. :)
ReplyDeleteIts nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I guess the only person who can make us feel better about ourselves is ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThank you Shane for giving us the perspective from the guys side.
You are right Stephanie we will get there.
Your first paragraph sums up one of the biggest reasons I started losing weight. The only difference is my husband didn't gain the "happy couple" weight...he is a lean, mean, fighting machine. It's hard to not feel embarrassed for myself and for him!
ReplyDeleteI hear you loud and clear. My hubs is a big guy and we struggle with his weight loss. There are times I feel his jealously from all of the hard work I put into my weight loss. I'm trying so hard to help him, but it isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower...would love for you to stop by and say hi :)
http://goobergrapemonkeyman.blogspot.com
Its so nice to hear everyones perspectives on this topic and I guess the feelings over weight loss or gain can come from both sides. I don't really get much support from my husband on my weight loss because I think he worries that when I lose weight that I'm going to find someone else. But at this point in my life I have to do what is best for me and getting healthy is one of my top priorities. I try to get my husband to understand that I'm not comfortable with my body the way it is and losing weight is only going to benefit him in the end but that doesn't get me anymore support. It helps to hear what issues others are facing and how you are dealing with it. Thanks so much for all the responses.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. It is so nice to hear that we are not alone in feeling this way!! My husband has never had to struggle with weight, so he just does not understand what it is like. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he has seen me at my heaviest and at my lightest, and loves me just the same. regardless of my weight.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this as well! I have gained about the same amount as you have since my wedding. It really does affect the relationship that way. I know my husband loves me and all that, but when I don't find myself appealing, I can't imagine that he would. Yes, Christina, I totally get what you're saying. Hard to admit sometimes, but being aware of it can lead to overcoming it. We have to do what we need to do to make it right - whether that's losing weight, talking it out, or just coming to terms with it. Whatever works for each of us is the path we need to take. For me, it's kind of a combination of all those factors. I'm on the way, and so are you!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this. B and I have been together since I was 15 and after gaining 100 pounds over the past 25+ years I keep having to remind him that no matter how much weight I lose I'll never have that 15 year old body again. Too bad I didn't realize how good I looked back then. I always wonder what would have happened if I accepted the body I had instead of trying to force myself to be something I'm not.
ReplyDeleteWell hopefully this is the last time we have to fight the Battle of the Bulge and we can enjoy our lives for ourselves, our husbands and our kids. We can't change the past but we sure can do something about the future and thats exactly what I intend on doing.
ReplyDelete