Saturday, October 30, 2010

My Time

Why does weight loss have to take so long? 

It feels like I can put on twenty pounds in a weekend but taking that same twenty pounds off takes two months.  I know losing the weight slowly is the healthiest way and you have more of a chance to keep it off but it sure does suck being fat. 

These are our choices set around stuffing our face with everything that we love and gain weight or watch every bite that goes into our mouth and exercise like a mad person and drop one pound a week if we are lucky.  No wonder so many people fail at weight loss, what a choice.  It doesn't seem quite fair does it? 

As you can tell I'm in a whiny mood this morning.  My weight loss has slowed which I guess thats better than stopping completely but I liked stepping on the scale every morning and seeing even the smallest of losses.  I kind of set myself up for failure when I put a particular number in my head that I wanted to lose this week.  Lesson learned, never again will I plan for a loss, I need to just appreciate what I do lose. 

I know that my body is getting healthier and stronger and that the weight will keep coming off.  Its just sucks to look in the mirror and know how hard I have been working and not see a difference.  I know my clothes fit differently and I know mentally that I have lost weight but I'm not seeing it.  I see myself in pictures and I'm just as fat as I have always been.  I hate the way I look. 

As shallow as it may sound I look forward to the day when people start noticing my weight loss, which hasn't happened yet.  I'm so tired of being the "FAT GIRL" that noone notices.  I'm tired of worrying about how I look in this outfit or that outfit or what people are thinking when they look at me.  I just want to be normal.

I wrote this post in hopes of getting out some of my frustrations.  I also wanted to rededicate myself to eating right and exercising and cutting myself a break.  I'm so hard on myself and I don't need all that negativity.  To look in the mirror and know that I've lost over 21 pounds and still keep telling myself how ugly and fat I am isn't helping anything.  I want to be able to love myself, I really do, but when you have hated your body for so long for betraying you its hard to find something positive to focus on, but thats a challenge I'm ready to face.  I just read my last sentence and I have that totally wrong, it wasn't my body that betrayed me it was me who betrayed my body.  I chose to overeat and gain all this weight. 

Well no more I was given this one life to live and I refuse to cut my life short by continuing to be overweight.  I need to lose this weight not only so I feel better about myself but so I can live a longer, healthier life.  This is my time dammit and I'm not going to waste anymore of it.


  1. Oh, Sweetie, it isn't shallow at all to want someone to notice your hard work. It's human nature. We all need a pat on the back when we've done a good job. The funny thing is that when people start to notice, they will all start to notice at the same time. It's really weird how that is. You can go for months and no one says a word and then all of a sudden they start noticing.
    Hang in there, we'll get there!


  2. Good morning. Today is a new day and you are beautiful. 21 lbs is huge, HUGE!!! You can do this, I know you want to do this, so just keep working at it and it'll all happen.
    As of this morning I've lost 30 lbs, does anyone notice? Just a handful of my friends, not another soul. I'm so involved in scouts and these people see me off and on throughout the month and not one has said anything. I've dropped 3 sizes, do they say anything, NOPE, NADA!!! So I understand. I know I'm not losing the weight for anyone to notice, it's really for me but we all need encouragment, we all need that "boy, you look good!!" So my dear, you are doing wonderfully. I bet your are getting pretty sexy for that hubby of yours. Don't worry sooner or later you'll see an old class mate, an old friend, someone that hasn't seen you in a while and their eyes will pop out of their heads and you'll hear a whisle. Keep up the great work. Keep counting those calories, keep exercising and one day, not to far in the future you'll see it. YOU WILL!!!
    Take care, have a restful, relasing weekend. God Bless!!!

  3. I can only agree, it sucks.
    I have been losing at my goal rate consistently. I am down 26 lbs, and people have given me compliments. Still the process (not results) seems dismal. I guess we gotta suck it up, but we don't have to like it. Like you, I need to recommit, almost daily.

  4. 21 lbs is AWESOME and you sound like me, in that you don't notice when you lose weight and it's because we've got an image of ourselves in the mirror and I really think it take time to re-program our brains to see ourselves correctly.

  5. Thanks Mary, I just keep it in my head that by New Years I should be close to being under 200 lbs I can't wait.

    Thanks Julie for your wonderful comment. Its so nice to have so much support.

    Yes birchgirl we just have to keep recommitting and eventually we will get to our goal and then we can celebrate. It is hard sometimes but I refuse to give up and go back where I came from.

  6. Jayne Doe you are absolutely right it is something else we have to learn to change our thinking on. When I look in the mirror I don't look for the positives I always look for the negatives and thats something I have to change.

  7. Common Christina, you need to cut yourself a break. You have done great losing 21 lbs and at times our bodies plateaus a bit. Don't be hard on yourself be proud. It take a lot of hard work and time to do what you're doing. It is and will continue to be worth it.

    I have lost 25 and a few have noticed. I have noticed and am happy at times and then I see myself in a mirror at the gym or store and think, OMG I am fat and have so much weight to loss still... What's helped me is setting mini goals, NSV goals and clothes. I am pushing myself to try on smaller and smaller clothes.

    Recommit and do not give up - you are worth it!

  8. Mind Over Fatter I'm definitely not giving up I just wish this process was alittle quicker, sometimes it gets discouraging but I know I'm worth it and in the end I will be proud of what I've accomplished. Thanks for your support.

  9. Bravo, I really enjoyed this post. I understand, I just want it to happen already. I've lost 23 pounds, but I don't feel SOO different. I don't think I've dropped a size (I've always fluctuated between 15-17 and I haven't tried a 14, but my 15's fit well), I don't feel thinner and I've only gotten one or two compliments. I just want to be thin already.
    I have to say, losing weight is kind of like getting an A in a class. It's a lot easier to do no work and fail than it is to get an A. And it's a lot easier to eat all you want and gain than to watch yourself and lose. But you gotta do both. You've just got to look at the long term results. To quote The Fray, "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"


  10. Thanks Raych I always love getting your comments. And that quote fits perfectly. We just got to hang in there and eventually we will reap the benefits.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. 21 lbs is awesome!! I totally understand where you're coming from with this entire post. I've been there and still have those days. This journey is so hard, but just remember getting healthy is so worth it! Keep your head up, girl! :-)

  13. Thanks Whitney I'm just going to keep on trucking, one day at a time, I'll get there eventually.

  14. I can relate to this completely! I'm down 22 pounds, and nobody has said anything about it. I take that back. Some very sweet people who know I've lost weight have mentioned it, but I really don't think they'd notice if they didn't already know from me telling them or from reading my blog. But it's okay. It's not a huge percentage of my total body weight, so it's to be expected. A few years ago I lost almost 50 pounds (yes, it's all back, plus 20). It really was like a sudden thing where EVERYONE noticed, but it wasn't until I had lost like 40 pounds or more. So now that I'm heavier now, I think I'll have to lose 50 before that happens. It will happen. To be honest, it's great and there's some encouragement there, but it's also kind of strange. People are commenting on your body, that thing we've been self-conscious of for so long, and now it's being noticed all the time! But you just have to stay true to you and your goals, and remember always why you're doing this in the first place. You said it best -- You're not going to cut your life short. And that's incredible!

  15. Charlotte it is alittle weird that people comment on your body when you lose weight. I guess that tells you what they thought about your body before you lost the weight but I can't wait to hear some kind of compliment just so I know that all the hardwork I'm doing is paying off.